.:: Yolospat ::.

Found this from a blog I often visit and saw this. I’m also sending this to my Mother since she’s had to deal with the brunt of my ADD throughout my life, both through the good and the hard times.

There is a common misconception in the world that having ADD is a bad thing. While the ADD-wired brain certainly presents some challenges, it also offers some incredible benefits.

I thought this would be a great time to offer a reminder about how being different can be an advantage! The following is a list of characteristics that I consistently see in my clients, friends, and colleagues with ADD.

1. Compassion. People with ADD have a tremendous power to connect with other people. But it goes a step further than that. We also have an advanced ability to empathize with others, and to see many different perspectives.

TV personality Ty Pennington, host of TV’s Extreme Home Makeover, has ADD.

2. Creativity. I’ve never met an ADDer who wasn’t creative! Writers, painters, musicians, film makers, designers, sculptors, comedians – the list goes on! Artistic talents are abundant.

Musician Justin Timberlake has ADD.

3. Drive. When an ADDer is bored with a task, completing it can seem like torture. But give an ADDer an interesting project to work on and watch out! When we want to succeed, and we have the necessary tools to do so, there is no stopping us!

Olympic Gold Medalist and record-breaker Michael Phelps has ADD.

4. Problem Solving Ability. ADDers thrive on solving problems and puzzles. Give us an interesting problem to solve and we won’t be able to drop it until we’ve found the solution!

Important historical inventors such as Thomas Edison is believed to have had ADD.

5. Hyper-Focus. The ability to hyper-focus is something that we ADDers can use to our advantage. When kept under control and directed towards productive tasks, like accomplishing goals and living dreams, it can be an incredible asset that allows us to get the job done, and done well!

David Neeleman, Founder and former CEO of Jet Blue Airways, has ADD.

6. Sense of Humor/Comedic Flair. Most ADDers love to laugh, and many also have a knack for making others laugh!

Famous comedian Howie Mandel has ADD.

7. Resiliency. There’s no denying that even though there are many great qualities that come along with ADD, there are also challenges. But ADDers have an incredible ability to bounce back from those challenges.

Chef and Food Network star Tyler Florence has ADD.

8. Intuition. ADDers have a sharp sense of intuition. This may be due to highly tuned levels of perception, or great insight into the human mind, or something else that we have yet to understand. Whatever the reason, it’s a very useful gift!

9. Idea Generating. ADDers are wonderful idea generators. We don’t usually like to be bothered with details, but we can come up with ideas at lightning speed! We’re a true asset in brainstorming meetings!

Entrepreneur Richard Branson of the Virgin empire has ADD.

10. That “Special Something”. Many ADDers feel that they have a unique way of looking at the world, a perspective that others just don’t understand. That is, until the ADDer meets other people with ADD! You might say that we’re on our own wavelength!

Just a quick update on my Nieces afghans that I’m making for them. During the time I was taking these pictures super beetle (easily 2 inches long) came flying in the house as I let Jonah in. I was so scared I thought I’d pee, but I managed to get him under a plastic cup for Brendan to deal with when he got home from the grocery store. That thing was hissing up a storm. Just, gross.

Anyway, Tiffany’s father said that these afghans could be family heirlooms. That made me feel good. Like, really good. I just do it because I love my two little girls

I watched the first episode of John and Kate plus 8 last night where they were interviewed separately for the first time. It was said. I’m pretty sure I’m being bias for siding with Kate (being a woman and all) but Jon has just been a dick. He’s always been a dick on shows, cracking these jokes that would make any woman feel like shit. Anyway, I see this so often. Its the male midlife crisis and it ends up hurting families more than anything. I’ve seen that happen in my own family, within my own group of friends, within my Mothers group of friends and there is just no reason to throw in the towel without doing everything possible. Jon said on the show that he has a hard time communicating. He’s right! He needs to work with someone on that. Kate is overbearing, but I think she’s overwhelmed, I mean, look at all her little responsibilities she has everyday. He has no idea the pressure she was being put through while he was at work. Or maybe he does, I don’t know.

What I do know is Kate is scared of being a failure, a static and just like any woman who are social nurturing beings, they DON’T want to raise a family alone. When they had kids, she saw Jon in the picture from beginning to end. She saw a partner, a lover, a best friend and it was so obvious in her face last night that she is still so in love with him. The way he talked, he couldn’t care less about her and is ready for the next adventure around the corner, leaving the adventure he already started and hasn’t finished. Sort of like he graduated from college and he’s ready for college.

It doesn’t work like that Jon. You IDIOT. You aren’t a kid anymore ready to start something new and exciting. You’re a grown man with a wife and family and you have to push those fears of getting older away because you are supposed to grow old with your family. Go buy a red sports car or something but don’t traumatize these kids because you can’t figure it out.

Their new hours is pretty, to be somewhat positive. I forsee goats and chickens and other animals like that in the future. Kids growing up on a farm have such a great advantage.

I’m sorry Kate. I’m rooting for you that you can get through this. You’re a woman, you can, but I hope time will heal wounds faster than usual and you’ll find the one that does want the job that Jon didn’t finish.

That’s had to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Believe me, if I could have one again I would, I just can’t afford it right now.

I just got an email from my boss and I’ve never felt like such a piece of shit which my work at this company than I do now. The emails I get don’t reflect anything relating to such. The emails I get back are “good job! Your great! We love you! Thank goodness your there! You are always there and always the most helpful”!

I don’t know what to do. I love my job 99% of the time. I live and breath my job. But then when your boss changes it goes from old boss saying “I couldn’t do it without you” to new boss saying “My way or the highway, I will not accept anything less” so everything I have learned in my job I’m having to unlearn in accordance to new boss.

New boss has never been in tech support. Fort the last 5 years I’ve lived and breathed tech support. I actually planned on living out my career here. Now I’m working harder not only here but at home and when I get a huge project done to help my team it’s shot down and I get 10 canines.

I’ve never been so confused.

Our whole family has been going through the grieving process this past week which in turn makes this past week, for lack of a better term, suck. After some talk, we’ve decided that Jonah needs a friend in which he can speak dog to. One that is smaller than him so he’s not intimidated. One that doesn’t want to play with my 11 year old Neves and scratch him up to the point that he hides most of the time (he’s really getting social without the fear of a kitten ready to pounce him at any minute). And one with girl bits, not boy bits because

I’ve always wanted a girl pet, and let me tell you, I’ve had a LOT of pets throughout my life. I don’t know how I always get stuck with boys. I’m not sure I planned it that way, I think it just happened but not this time. This time, Jonah is going to have a little sister, a best friend, and a life long companion. Jonah is damn near a perfect dog in all ways. He has such good manners and he would be the perfect role model for a youngin’ to look up to, and adopt those good mannerisms, like how to ask to go to the bathroom, and how to ask for more water or to let us know his food bowl is empty. How not to beg, but sit patiently while us humans are eating our human food even if he doesn’t take his eyes off of each and every bite we take.

We want a little mini wiener dog. Now it’s time for the search and to make sure we are getting a healthy dog. I already called the humane society and they don’t have any we could adopt. It’s always the first place I look.

This isn’t a replacement by any means … nothing can replace our dear Pepper, but just like humans, animals weren’t made to go at it alone.

It doesn’t have to be a special holiday for me to give gifts. I usually end up giving more gifts to people on a normal day then I do on a holiday. Trying to catching up with my millions of TV shows that are sitting on the DVR (halfway there!) I will sit and crochet with someone in mind. This time it was for my Grandma Reba. She loves pinks and greens so that’s what I picked out for her without it looking too Christmasy. Anyway, when Mom flew back to Colorado on Sunday she made a special trip to Grandma Reba’s yesterday to give her the afghan. Oh by was she happy! She’s always cold, so she can use that to finally warm up.

We didn’t have him very long as his life was so short but in the almost year and a half since we’ve gotten to be his Mommy and Daddy he’s brought a lot of joy to our house and to our hearts.

Pepper passed away yesterday around 6:30 pm. Until we have the official results (heart murmur, aneurysm, etc) it doesn’t change the fact that our little guy is gone, Jonah’s little brother, and our bundle of joy.

Lots of tears have already fallen and I’m sure more tears are to come. I still have his scratches on my hand when we were playing the day before yesterday. The effects of him not being here have already been present in Jonah. They were so close, nearly hip to hip at all times. In fact here is the last picture that was taken of him.

We’re having him cremated and he will be coming home to us soon, just not the way we wanted him. We picked out his urn, one that is playful instead of sad.

Well, things might actually be looking up. Turns out I have a nice healthy heart with no problems. Couldn’t ask for a better report. I tried to get a picture of the ulta-sound but the lady didn’t have a printer. Bummber. I’m trying to get as many pictures of my insides as possible. So far I have my bronchial scope and the MRI of my lower back (it sort of looks like a staircase) .. that’s what I get for not taking care of it sooner.

I’m 80 pounds lighter since the first of the year. No, I’m not dieting, I didn’t have any radical surgeries (at least ones I wasn’t completely conscious for), I do for the most part eat really healthy but I’ll have the occasional junk food every once in a while. I’m losing it from being sick and losing my appetite. It’s amazing how much faster you move minus 80 pounds tugging along with you. I hope it keeps up actually. Everyone wants to lose weight without doing anything, but … I know they don’t want to suffer through the sickness the whole time.

I am, get this …. I am getting better. I’m taking half the pain meds I used to take. I haven’t taken Oxycodone for 2 weeks and I eliminated my morphine capsule at night. I’m scared because for long periods of time on narcotic pain meds, the pain subconsciously feels worse than what it is. That scares me. Not sure I can handle much more, but it has gone down a bit. i don’t walk through days with an 8 on the pain scale. Right now it’s about a 5.5. That’s progress! I’m also feeling good that every single thing I get out of my closet falls off me. It’s been a long time since that happened. I have to wear a belt with every pair of jeans I have. I can move better, my shortness of breath has nearly gone away.

Nothing with my disease(s)/syndromes are easy fixes. All of them are permanent, but the difference is, I got me some good doctors finally who actually care how I feel. My Pulmonologist took it upon himself to get me into a drug trial for severe asthmatics to try this preventive drug which is most importantly, steroid free. It’s not like I have an appointment wit him … this was an after thought on his point to make sure I’m getting the best treatment available. Finally, I found the right people.

In other news, my Mother is flying down on Saturday to spend the week with us. Since I have Monday off I want to drive to Savannah Georgia. Since I’m getting better I think I’ll be able to handle the car ride fairly well, just as long as Mom and I don’t start one of our fights (like last time). They never last long, I just hate them to begin with. I’ve missed her so much, and I want her to see Spring in Kennesaw. Can’t wait!

As for work, I had a bad few days obviously if you read my twitter. Confidence is back and I’m right there in the middle of he game again getting done what needs to be done. Today I’ve had to give my team a tiny push as the deadline I set for them is coming up and I’m still seeing a lot of tickets in their queue still which is only 50% of the way I’m expecting them to go. We had a 45 second quick meeting reminding them of the impending clock that keeps ticking by not leaving them much time to reach their goal. I have faith, however.

My Mother-in-law sent this to me. I wouldn’t post it if it didn’t make total sense. Thank you again my Dear Mother-in-law. I love you!

“Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

–Lily Tomlin

More later ..

Headed out to get a heart ulta-sound. I haven’t updated recently so for that I apologize but hopefully later today. In the meantime, here’s Jupiter, our newest part of the family all wrapped up in her 8 core goodness.

This one was the worst yet. Better luck next year kid.

I’ve been sleeping for the majority of the time now that I’m not taking my thyroid meds. I think my energy has depleted at least 75% because of it. Something I’m going to point out to Dr. S when I see him next week.

My pulmonary doctor did my allergy test. There were about 80 different things they were testing for. If it wasn’t so ironic and I didn’t already sort of know it anyway, the one and only thing I’m allergic to is my cats, out of 80 different things. That’s good since I’m in allergy america.

I have tell a funny about my husband. They take me out to do a breathing test on one of their machines so as I’m heading back to room 8 where they placed us in the first place I thought I smelled something foul. It got stronger the closer I got to my room and when I walked into my room, BAM.

“Did you fart?
“About a min after you left, you can still smell it?
“You can smell it all the way out in the hall!!!!!!!”

So here I am with two magazines wafting the air, hoping the smell either goes away or just gives up and stops stinking.

I saw my doctor coming so I put away the magazines really fast and sat on the bed. He walks in, looks around and says,

“Um, lets use the room next door, I’ll get one of the nurses to do your allergy test”

My husband cleared a room. With his butt. I was so embarrassed at the time, but the minute I walked out I was laughing. I told him he couldn’t do that and to go to the bathroom next time. He’s the only one I know who can have scentless farts so you never know what your going to get. Not that day. That day, he literally cleared a room.

They did schedule an endoscopy on me for this Thursday to look at the blockage in my airway and take a possible biopsy. They will put me out for a small time and my boss told me if I need to take the day and work from home that would be fine. I told him we’ll see.

Yesterday the majority of us went home because the A/C wasn’t working and it got to be 90 degrees in the office. I was sweating like a whore in church. I hope they have it fixed today.

Not sure why I’m up early but it feels good and I slept in the recliner last night so I don’t have any sort of backache. I give my MRI scans to my pain doc next week. I want to try and scan them all first tho, even if they are a little big. What’s a good stitching program?

And I finally got one. Having the student ACD membership program (which expires in two days ironically) we got our federal ax returns back and I texted Brendan if I could go ahead and get it spec’ed and ordered I’ll upgrade the RAM via www.ramjet.com since it’s so much cheaper. I also got the 3 year warranty with it. With the AC D and my student discount the ADW discount I saved nearly $900 bucks when purchasing. That’s huge Should be here this week or next.

Also ordered Fable II wihle I ws at it. Whoops (sorry baby, it really looked THAT good).

Bren was so nice about it. He said, spec it how you want love, you’ve been waiting for years for this. My Mother eventually said the same thing. It should b When I get it I’ll extract the data from my harddriives and install each 500GB drive in slot2 and slot3. from to expand storage and make myself a scratch space for my photos and video’s

From the reviews the biggest noticeable difference is if you are a multi-tasker and have a ton of programs opened at the same time running at any one given time. There aren’t many “wow’s”, “ooowwwww”, and “aaaahhhhhhsss” about working a single program to determine the computers strength.
Hip Hip, hurray!!!!!

This was originally an email to my sissy, Camille, but I thought it would be a nice catch post since I haven’t been on the computer much and share my excitement with you.

Be expecting unboxing photos shortly, whenever it gets here. I just choose ground because they are usually good at getting stuff out to you in a couple days.

Now I need suggestions for a name …..thoughts? Anyone?

My Mother made the appointment and unlike me she likes appointments in the morning. I usually try to shoot for mid afternoon or late afternoon. We had horrible rain and wind storms this morning to the point there were street lights out at the most busy intersections.

When it rains, people here in Georgia people loose their ability to drive. Its like they reverted back to the first time ever got in a vehicle for the first time accidently putting it into reverse and driving through the garage door, as their parent in the passengers seat tries not to blow a gasket knowing it was only a mistake.

You’ll see drivers driving 15 mph and others (usually in trucks) that are going 15-20 miles over the speed limit slowing down only when they start hydroplaning.

The doctors office was right above the Lung Clinic that I go to. We were 15 minutes late due t the weather and the street lights being being down. We also had to wait for a train. I filled out all the necessary paperwork and nearly 2 hours later I actually got to see the doctor.

Even tho my labs showed my thyroid was low she wants me to stay off my thyroid meds. She said I would probably gain all my weight back that I lost and she wants to get a blood test in two weeks. Right there was enough to make me upset. Nothing has worked to help me lose weight except this so I wasn’t thrilled with this idea. I started crying and she turned to my husband and said “since she isn’t comprehending what I’m saying can you write this down” like I wasn’t even sitting there in the same room. I’ve lost so much weight and it feels damn good. When you have 65 pounds less of your body and knees it’s indescribable. Thinking of gaining that back just isn’t remotely ok with me.

After I gained my composer a bit I started asking her the questions I had planned to ask her before I went in. She didn’t answer a single one of them and told me come back in 2 months to do some blood work and see where we were with things.

I think I saw her for about 10 minutes. Maybe 15.

As I passed b the desk to check out I gave them my slip and when the nurse went to schedule my appointment I told her I wasn’t coming back. Once I got home I called my PCP and told his nurse of my experience and they suggested another doctor for me to see.

Its rare to see a doctor with any type of bedside manner anymore (or nurse for that matter, not talking about you Hillary Gayle, your going to be the best nurse ever!)

So, I’m back to being extremely discouraged and frustrated. How much longer can I do this?

So I’m going through this web site that has some wordpress themes I haven’t seen before. One theme in-particular was called “Xplosive” so my overactive imagination makes me picture fire, nuclear bomb, the general things you would think of when relating to the word “Explosive” attached to emotions of fear, excitement, adrenaline rush.

Then I saw the theme. Not only was the theme incredibly boring but I think they people that made it were running out of names or something. Does this look like it matches the name it’s been given?

Behold, Xplosive!

So we have an IRC channel here in the office that connects our support staff with the IT staff we have at different sites around the world. I got some warm fuzzies from it today

For once in a long time I had a week full of good, and the week isn’t even over yet. Hopefully the momentum will continue and I didn’t just jinx myself in the process of writing this blog entry.

Things started off on a good foot on Monday when I was ready for my Doctors appointment hours early. It always feels better to be ready for upcoming plans than to remember at the last minute and be rushed forgetting your head along the way. I met my new doctor with heightened anxiety as I’ve had such bad luck in the last year heath wise and doctor wise. I didn’t let myself hold high expectations for this guy like I had for the other worthless pill pushing, money stealing, non-helpful SOBs I’ve encountered within this last year. The only problems I can remember is having a little bit of difficulty in finding the actual office when it was in a medical park where the buildings all look alike only with different names on the front doors. When I finally found the right office I had my new patient paper work in hand and ready to turn in. When I finally met the doctor I didn’t let my guard down. I brought him up to speed of all the falls I’ve taken over the last year, everything I had been diagnosed with and how my health and body on our this downward spiral with no one to help me. I explained to him the mis-haps of the other doctors and I was finally validated when he told me that the Fibro and Fatigue Center was raping me for all the money I had, putting me on pills and medications that were completely un-needed and ordering tests that weren’t even in the same planet as to the actual illness at hand. It upset me to being duped, but at the same time I felt better knowing I had made the right choice in leaving.

I had with me all my blood tests and all other tests that I had gotten copies of. For any doctor I’m sure it had to be overwhelming and he wasn’t hiding that fact but he was also extremely concerned. Maybe it was my emotional self or maybe it was because he saw something between the lines, like some sort of pattern that alarmed him, but whatever the case he wanted to go over the stack of papers I gave him and didn’t want to wait to see me again so we could sit down and figure out what was going on. He scheduled me in for next week so he could get my medical records from the other doctors. Before we left he said he would always be upfront in the process of making me well and he would always make sure I was fully aware of any tests or medication or treatment I would be going through. He said he was honest when it came to that and he would never go through until he knew I fully understood. Just from his blunted honesty at the beginning of the appointment I knew he was telling the truth. He didn’t seem like he had any reason to lie, but he said he would get to the bottom of it, and reassured me of that. So now I have a new doctor, who feels he couldn’t wait to see me and wants me to come back in a weeks time. That’s pretty impressive. I was impressed.

Today I saw my lung doctor too. After my 6 minute walk around the office it was determined that I do not have to be on oxygen anymore and I’m allowed to go back to work, in the actual office instead of here at home. Instead of calling my boss I’m going to make a surprise appearance tomorrow. One of my tech’s called me tonight just to see how I was doing. I have a good team of guys that work hard, it makes it easier to be their boss.

I’ve been having some really horrible sleeping problems. My sleep meds have decided to quit working on me giving me nothing left to aid in the sleeping process so after a few days of that the body starts giving into the exhaustion to where I was finding myself asleep at my desk (which is quite comfortable to sleep at btw).

Finally, I was able fall asleep and it took a full 24 hours for my health bar to regain its full strength. The bad thing about this is it’s 3:30am so there isn’t much luck going back to sleep after I’ve already woken up. I tried, didn’t work.

I did however take another fall in the bathroom. I think my shoes were still wet from being out on the back porch trying to get my dog to come back inside I landed square on my right knee. For people with Fibro, falling has to be the worst. It’s not just a fall. It’s a total body flare up so not only does my knee hurt but my body feels like its just been through the meat grinder. Ouch.

My plan is to work early and go see my new doctor at 1pm. I hope he helps. I’m really tired of this doctor hopping. Mom keeps telling me there is a doctor out there that will help me and after a year my 8 ball is saying that things are looking grim. I’ll keep trying. What else can I do at that point?

I’m looking forward to the 31 days to a better blog challenge.

I have never done a challenge before, whether it be one of those “write a book in a month deals” or the “1001 goals to accomplish in 1001” days (even if I’m still working on that one, I just don’t have all the goals on there yet. So when I came across Pro Blogger as I’m going through my RCC feeds in Google Reader and came across their 31 days to build a better blog. This task at hand actually makes me excited and gives me something to look forward to. The contest begins on April Fools day (April 1st for those across seas that don’t keep up with American tradition.

I’m totally tagging my best friend on this one. Cammy-bear, you up for the challenge?

Ok, I admit I’m a coward again. My MOTHER actually called and made the appointment and “got a feel” for the place. I know I’m lame in having my Mother call but at this point my anxiety level shoots through the roof when it comes to doctors. This last year I have been to doctor after doctor who hasn’t been able to help me and I know the poem I wrote was pretty emo, but I’m really tired of living a life with so much intense pain where I can’t even dress myself all by myself, or take a shower without my husband standing in there making sure that I don’t fall, or holding the shower head for me because my arms aren’t strong enough to do it. I’m 30 years old living like a 90 year old who is 2 feet away from a nursing home.

THIS SHOULDN’T BE MY LIFE!

But it is. This is how it is day in and day out. The basics of caring for myself have been taken away for me. It makes me angry in so many ways that’s it’s changed who I am. Luckily my husband still loves me and supports me 100%

When I was in the hospital a few weeks ago my Mother was picking up some meds from CVS. My Mother is the type that talks to EVERYONE, god love her. It used to be annoying as a kid because I had ADD so bad I wanted to go go go, not wait until Mom stopped talking to people. Well, this talk she had with this woman at CVS her experience and struggle was shockingly similar to mine. She had gone to all the doctors I had until she found the right doctor to help her. She gave my Mother his name and where he was located so both Mom and I googled him this morning. He sounded wonderful on his web site. There was even a link that said “Update me about your condition” like he really cared how his patients were doing. You could imagine my shock at that. When I called the office I talked to the receptionist. I explained to her about my fibro, arthritis, and hypoxemia and asked her if this doctor had any experience dealing with that. Her answer was “oh yes Ma’am” .. then I asked the hardest question of all. I told her I had really bad luck with doctors just pushing pills at me without actually fixing the underlying issue. She said “he’s not like that. If he can’t fix what is wrong or if you are too severe of a case he will tell you who can”

SOLD!

I’m trying not to keep my hopes up. I’m trying but my hopes are high at this point and I just don’t want there to be any sort of let down. I keep thinking every doctor I see is going to be my miracle and every doctor thus far has been my downfall.

So here’s to new found hope. Oh, I forgot to say, he’s getting me in THIS monday. That’s fast. Wish me luck.

As much as I try
As much as I fail
The bad decisions
The short list of good ones

The pain overwhelms
Life takes a turn
Not for the better
Just the opposite

And I’m still here
Chugging away
Like nothing is wrong
When everything is

I’m so tired
I’m so sick
My plate can’t hold
Everything it should

I will never forget
When everything changed
My sentence, my cross to bare
Is mine only, forever

~yolospat

Don’t you hate when you wait so long just to see a doctor who comes in, diagnosis you or fixes whatever it was you came in for and he’s walking out the door 3 minutes later telling a short mild lame joke.

I had such high hopes that my new Rheumatoid doc would be “The One” who would fix me and make me all better. He gave me 5 cortisone shots from the top of my spine all the way down to the end of it since it’s been such a huge pain source for me lately, told me my labs looked fine and was nearly out the door before I’m like, um, wait. I was just in the hospital 3 weeks ago for Bronchitis which caused Hypoxemia in which I’m STILL on oxygen 24/7 for .. I definitely have some questions. So we went through my labs he did a month ago and every question I asked he danced around and basically didn’t answer. Even the simple yes/no questions. Then he changed my meds on me without us talking about it and I’m slapped an appointment card and rushed out the door.

Another what I like to call “Band-aid” Doctor. They slap a band-aid on you and throw you some pills without actually fixing the underlying issue. Pisses me off. I’m so frustrated/discouraged/angry. Is there any doctor out there that is actually helpful anymore?

I’m really bummed about this. I walked out of there feeling worse than when I went in (not every day you have 5 needles in your spine, ouch).

Talk about an interesting day. I’m sitting here in my office reading my email this morning, just like I do every morning. Brendan was still sleeping so I was trying to be quiet. Jonah starts getting really antsy about something going on outside which he does from time to time, like when people walk their dogs down our cul-te-sac, or if there is a cat walking by or something so I didn’t think much of it. Then he stands up and desperately starts howling. I notice that the dogs next door are also barking more than usual. I get up and go down the hall and I see this mexican coming in my back door. I see him, he sees me and he bolts. He jumps the porch, then jumps the fence, then runs down to the road where he just walks non-chantantly like he owns the neighborhood.

While this is going on I’m waking Brendan up and I’m dialing the Kennesaw Police Department. They got here in a matter of minutes. At first the cop just wanted to know which way they went and he went walking through the woods toward the area I pointed him to. He came back and pulled back up in front of my house and behind him came 3 other police cars. He told me he was sure glad I called because a house was robbed in the neighborhood right behind me which fit the description of one of the guys I told him about. While all this is going on I’m standing at the very top of our driveway. A lady cop gets out of her car and comes up and says they had caught two males and they needed me to ID them. They pulled each one out of the car and stood them up in front of the police cruiser and right away I knew that was the guy that was in my house. When they pulled the other guy out, I told them that it looked like his hair, but he was wearing white before. When he was standing there he had a green shirt on. They pulled a white jacket out of the cruiser and I told them that was definitely the other guy. As I ID’d each guy they put them in handcuffs and read them their rights.

Brendan and I both had to write out a witness statement about the encounter. We learned that one of the robbers was armed. SCARY! That picture I took was the 4 police cruisers out in front of the house. The two back ones each had one of the robbers in it. The police came in and petted Jonah and told him what a good boy he was. If it wasn’t for him howling in a de-stressed way that I wouldn’t have caught him just walking in. He probably would have had his pockets full or hurt either Brendan or myself. I caught him when he had two feet in the back door leaving the back door open. Ugh, scary!

When the police left all my neighbors had a little get together in the middle of the cul-te-sac to talk about what happened. All of us admitted that we leave our back doors open mostly all the time due to this being such a safe and quiet neighborhood. I also found out that Brendan and I are the only ones that don’t down a gun. I told them if I ever needed one, I knew where to go. Not sure about having one in the house yet. Still undecided about that.

I’m wiped out after being outside for so long without my oxygen and really short of breath. Stupid lungs. These are desperate times and I’m sure lots of safe neighborhoods are going to see this sort of thing. It’s sad, but I guess we gotta do what we gotta do. I’m definitely making sure all doors are locked at all times from now on. This is my house dammit, and I’m not about ready to let them make me feel unsafe in my own house.

This has to be one of the greatest video’s I’ve seen for a long time. Great job Super_Josh!!!!!!!!!!

My dear sweet MIL (Mother-in-law) usually sends me very insightful emails. Among them are Insights from the Dalai Lama. Every day it seems to be exactly what I needed to hear. So, my dearest MIL, thank you for sharing such wisdom.

Insight from the Dalai Lama

“What irritates us in the first place is that our wishes are not fulfilled. But remaining upset does nothing to help fulfill those wishes. So we neither fulfill our wishes nor regain our cheerfulness. This disconcerted state, from which anger can grown, is most dangerous. We should never try to let our happy frame of mind be disturbed. Whether we are suffering at present or have suffered in the past, there is no reason to be unhappy.”

Bad news at the doctor’s office isn’t pleasing. I can’t return to work for another week, and the week after I’m work from home only, unless I want to be hauling around oxygen tanks. They want me on oxygen 24/7 now (instead of just nights or when I need it) and I see one of the big doctors in 2 weeks. Ugh. I don’t even feel like talking about it. I thought this was done and over with. I’m just, upset, angry and everything in between.

Tonight I have a splitting headache. I’ve taken everything under the sun but it doesn’t want to seem to leave. It’s probably because I’ve bottled up everything and I haven’t been writing and vomiting my thoughts each and everyday especially with Mom being here. She’s leaving tomorrow and I think things will start going back to normal. She’s been a big help and altho we’ve had our ups and downs I’m glad she was here.

That’s the mode I’m in. I’ve been asleep more than I have been awake in the past 24 hours and I’m ready for sleep again, already. My energy is extremely low because I haven’t been eating properly. I’m craving red velvet cake for some reason, but I managed to keep down some yogurt.

It’s been a very emotional day, especially between my Mother and I. She’s trying to help and as much as I know this it’s been hard.

I even had a talk with my Aunt Donna today on the phone and she said something to me that she’s never done in my life. She said I need to get over my anger. She told me to write down everything that was making me angry, put it in box and keep it there and “GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!!”. My Aunt Donna suffers from Fibromyalgia too which make the whole conversation surprising. So I did that. I wrote down everything that I was angry at, and I put it in a box and I put that box up on the shelf. It actually helped. Then came the tears, the “I’m sorry” and I accepted how rotten I’ve been over the last few days. All the grieving and mourning I haven’t done is on hold and put aside. I finally found my phones that were safely tucked away in my purse and I heard from my Uncle Joe and Aunt Martha. There is something about their words, and them calling that tears me to pieces because I love them so much and for so many years I thought they stopped caring.

Fact is, I’m not getting better. I’m still hacking up green phlegm but not as much as before. Its like it’s getting better and breaking up but it’s going deeper into my lungs. I’m going to bed here shortly so we’ll see how I am tomorrow. I still need to order my prescriptions and pick those up tomorrow but I’ve been asleep all day and I’m tired of Mark invading my dreams.

I’m extremely scared for my job. What if they don’t take me back? What if … what if …

I found something I wanted to share again because my guild master had asked for it. It will be under the read more part so this entry doesn’t take up a million pages.

Read the rest of this entry »

With my oxygen tank in tow. There are a few things I need t pick up at Lacy’s Pharmacy. Due to past experience this oxygen being administered via nose cannula does two great things. It makes sure the body gets the oxygen it needs, and it also dries out your nose to the point of daily nose bleeds. Vaseline only goes so far. Back in 2004 I remember that my nostrils were lined in bloody scabs. I don’t want that to happen again, so I’m going to get a mask and alternate.

How am I feeling? Well, I wrote a big long email to work about the situation and everything that was going on and I heard nothing back, which only means one thing. They are planning my hopefully “temporary” replacement. I have heard back from my boss and his boss however saying to take as much time as I need to get better. That was nice. I just don’t do good sitting idle so I’m going to learn something over this next week and it’s going to be amazing. I just don’t know what it’s going to be yet. Maybe I will drive into ruby and learn rails and gems.

I’m pretty certain I can make something really neat and cool with that to come back and WOW everyone with. I’ll try at least. I usually only WOW myself. WOW.

I’m digging out my ruby books now … and spending the rest of the night in programmers heaven (best time is when everyone’s asleep, like now)

No. I didn’t get fired. I have been in the hospital for the last 4 days however with bronchitis, pneumonia and sever asthma problems due to each. I am on strict home oxygen for a straight month. I am not allowed to return to work until the 13th :: glares at doctors note :: and only THEN will it be decided if I get to return for the remainder of the month while on oxygen.

You know why all this is happening? Because some fuckhead felt like coming to work sick (I know of one of them specifically who had bronchitis and girl, you and me are going to have words because I heard at least 5 people tell you to go home because they didn’t want to get sick) because she didn’t want to lose her job. Not once did she think, oh wait, we have people in the office who are on remission from cancer, or people with auto-immune diseases like Fibromyalgia who are magnets to this shit. That’s not even the bad part. This shit put me in the hospital and she’s sure not paying my hospital bill. I’m fairly certain they will have to put someone in my place temporarily until I get back (as my boss promised if I had to ever take medical leave, which, I guess is a test now because my hands are tired. Completely) So because this bitch didn’t want to lose her job or whatever, I got what she had and I when I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital overhearing the EMT say “Ah shit, she’s dropped below 70, upgrade this to critical, stay with me now Jenny, come on Jenny, stay with me Jenny .. can you see me … grab my hand Jenny I was remembering her selfish little words. Pffttt, I don’t want to lose job. I was hoping not to die at that point.

So with my permanent lung damage (like I need more) I’m going to have to call up my boss tomorrow and explain to him that, yes I could do the job. I’d be in right this very fucking second doing it if they would make sure that sick people did NOT FUCKING COME TO WORK. Now I have hospitals bills, I’m strapped to oxygen to keep me alive seeing this promotion slip out of my fingers so fucking fast I didn’t even get to taste victory yet. I’m sooooooooo mad. I’m soooooooooooo pisssed. I had zero choice in this. ZERO.

After the 13th, if they let me work from home I could do that but it’s hard to manage a team that you don’t even see every day. One other person’s wrong choice cost me this. I’m not about revenge, I’m not about payback, all that is bullshit. I am about bringing into prospective what people might have missed tho.

Anyway, my doctors card and me. The good news is I lost 3 pounds past my 50 lbs for the first of the year. So, thats 53 pounds in 59 days. There it is, this is almost a death sentence to me. Going to work actually MAKES me feel better so it’s going to be a long 10 days of getting cabin feather. I do have 5 portable tanks with me but just one of those portal tanks only lasts 4 hours. As for the poor me, I’m getting daily nose bleeds from a dry noise.

The only good thing about the whole experience was I got to walk talk and mingle with this harp player who comes and just plays healing music to everyone who wanted to listen. My roommates thought Jerry Springer was more interesting.