.:: Yolospat ::.

“I would never write about someone who is not at the end of his rope.” ~Stanley Elkin

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I’ve had my ATT/Cingular account for a good decade now and I’ve never upgraded my phone on it. A few days ago my iPhone3g 16GB did something some would think of as a dire emergency. One of those people was yours truly.

It ran out of space.

I headed straight to ATTs website and for the first time, I took advantage of my upgrade features. I got the iPhone3gs 32GB (white of course). It arrived in the mail yesterday, sparkly and brand new. Right away I powered it to full and sync’d my whole music library. To my gleeful surprise I still had room! This is not something I’ve ever ran into before. So I started syncing some of my TV shows I haven’t watched yet. I’m a big fan of Fringe & The Office. After that sync got done I was again surprised to see I still had tons of room.

It’s not like my music collection is tiny by any means but over the years I’ve weeded out the music I don’t listen to anymore. I decided not to push my luck and happily left all that empty space, proud that my usual instinct to fill a drive to the fullest was at peace.

Next I started loading my iPhone apps. One of my favorite apps right now is “Red Laser.” It reads bar codes and suggests places you can get that product the cheapest or it will tell you the nutritional value of a food product like it did for a loaf of wheat bread Mom got from Safeway.

With the iPhone3gs the camera on it is so clear and it has the focus capability. All those barcodes my iPhone3g wouldn’t read the iPhone3gs picks up in seconds. I think I’ve managed to scan every barcode I could find upstairs in Mom’s house.

The good news is my Uncle Don is going to buy my old iPhone3g since my Aunt Donna just got one under one condition. I have to give them a rash course on the basics as well as the fun stuff like apps, picture messaging, and text messaging. I’m looking forward to that. I get so excited about gadgets I want to tell everyone about them.

One more thing the iPhone3gs has is something I’ve been wanting since 2005 when I left Colorado for Florida. A compass. Ironic I have one now when I have no idea which direction is up and/or down and what my future will bring. I think it’s perfect timing I got it now.

Good Timing ….

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I have been very negative lately about my divorce. Like the 50% that make it, I started and ended keeping true to my vows, yet I’ve been beating myself up for a failed marriage in which I as a person did not fail.

I wanted my marriage to last forever. Doesn’t everyone when they wisk off to their honeymoon? Time changes people, left over baggage changes people. So instead of staying in an unhappy marriage, I got out. I did that to give myself a chance at happiness yet I’m the most depressed I’ve ever been. Maybe until now, until I really thought this through, I did everything possible. I shouldn’t be beating myself up, but patting myself on the back because I wasn’t a perfect wife, but I was a damn good wife.

Everything has to do with attitude. Mine needs a huge overhaul. It would not only help my fibro, but my outlook on life, my future life. I don’t know what it will be like, but focusing on the darkness that may become doesn’t do me any good but will only lead to a self fulfilling prophecy in which my future WILL become that darkness. If I focus on the good things, my writing, my willingness to get better then my future looks a lot brighter than I ever thought it might be.

Only way I know this is I have good friends who have been there every step of the way, like Camille, like Tiffany, and especially my Mother who I know beyond any doubt, loves me unconditionally.

I don’t have to focus on the fact that I’m part of the 50% that failed, but I’m part of the 50% that might have made the right decision so that I can leave room for happiness and joy.

I have a doctors name on a piece of paper sitting here in front of me that has helped so many people I know personally. All I have to do is make the call. I haven’t done that yet because I was stuck focusing on never getting better. I’m going to call this doctor today, and start the journey of getting better because at this point I can’t get much worse. I don’t want to be bedridden next month and that’s where I’m headed. I have to stop this disease in it’s tracks and try to live while I have the ability.

Today, I want to try. I’ll have my days where my goals are fuzzy especially when that day is a bad fibro day, but if I can go back and read this post the haziness might clear a little even if the sun doesn’t shine.

I can do this ..

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I never knew what Adobe Contribute was for until I happen to come across a site that spoke about it being a blogging client. Well, let me tell you, it’s a lot more than that. It’s a blogging client and whole website rehaul client. I’m going to publish this and see if it works.

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I bundled up today and headed to BestBuy this afternoon to get a Netgear wireless router to replace my Aunt Donna’s Linksys router with the Netgear. I had the same problem with my Linksys when I lived in Florida. My Mother also had the same problem with her Linksys which I also fixed by replacing it with a Netgear.

I actually feel I’ve accomplished something and I haven’t felt that way for a long time. It was an easy fix, I just swapped out the router, configured the Netgear and all the mac laptops in my Aunts house connected right away. She tried to pay me but I wouldn’t let her do to the fact that she’s family.

She said I should do that for a job. That made me giggle since I’ve been doing this sort of thing since 1998.

I’ve been working on getting my RSS feeds read today but I’m still at 1000+ in Google Reader. I’ll eventually catch up since I don’t have any plans this weekend.

I think I’m going to get through all this, I really do.

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When it’s family. My Aunt called me to come over. Seems that Comcast has screwed up their wireless system. That’s what she told me over the phone, but when I got there I found the culprit. It’s that damn Link-sys router that doesn’t work with certain types of Comcast modems. I had the same problem in Florida and here at Mom’s house, and now they are having the problem.

So I’m headed to best buy to pick up a Netgear wireless router that will fix all their problems. My Aunt Donna and Uncle Don have a full Apple network (that tickles me to death, I love it) so it’s nice to finally be a tech for apple products.

I’ll be heading to BestBuy tomorrow to pick up the Netgear wireless router along with some blank DVD’s since Mom and I are running low. I feels good to be needed finally. I’ve felt like a wart on a toads back for so long, I forgot I was actually valuable to people. Plus, I was paid in yummy homemade soup and this homemade cracker spread, vegetarian of course.

No, I will not come to your house if you live in or close to the Greeley area to fix your home networks, but family is family and I’ve been sitting in the basement of my Mother’s house not getting much more interaction than talking to my fur babies and playing World of Warcraft.

I might have more jobs on the horizon. My Uncle Don’s son needs some consulting on a web design for his production company and I’m supposed to talk to him when he comes home from Christmas. Apparently he’s dished out a lot of money for a web site and got screwed. I hear more and more stories about that. It’s a shame.

To add to the geekiness, my friend Brett and I might have a web design project dealing with his band. We’d work together in providing a working web site to promote the band and I can continue to add to my portfolio. That’s exciting and just what I’ve been waiting for.

It’s been a good day so far. I hope it is tomorrow because my job at my Aunt’s house isn’t done yet.

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One huge reason I’m failing as a blogger lately is my lack of blogging. One huge problem I have is simple to fix, but for me it seems hard as hell. When I have so much going on, I don’t blog. That’s when I need to blog the most.

Reason being:

1. My blog is a chronological record of my life. I’m missing big details over the last few years that I wish I would have written about. That is something I need to fix.

2. My blog is a place for reflection and growth. Life is a lesson, and there is something to learn around every corner. I need to take advantage of that.

3. I have a love for gadgets and technology. I love reviewing products, and I haven’t done more than I can count on one hand in the last year. This disappoints me because a lot of great technology has come out and I have no record of it.

4. It has always been inside me to help people. I have been helping people with technology since 1998 and even tho I’ve complained about it in the past, when I know I’ve really helped someone it’s the best feeling ever.

5. I’ve been wanting to get my blog underway ever since I got laid off in July. It’s already December and I’ve yet to do that because I had no idea where to start. So I decided to start from the beginning and take it one step at a time.

Those are my commitments for this blog and they have always been. I’ve been a very bad procrastinator to keeping up with it especially when it’s something I love most of all.

My inspiration in this has been my sissy Camille who has started the project I’ve always had in my head but couldn’t execute. Now is the time.

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I’ve been going through a tremendous tough time as of late, and for lack of a better term..I’ve never been so down in the dumps. Everything is a problem, everything is broken, I don’t feel good, my heart is broken, this divorce is hard, etc etc etc and just typing it makes me want to cringe and walk away the first exit I see because I don’t even want to hear all that whining myself.

What I realized today, it’s not getting me anywhere. It’s only making me worse and worse, and in turn it’s making my fibro as bad as it’s ever been. I can blame the -20 to -50 degree weather as of late, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it was my very own attitude thats keeping me in a pit of darkness.

Until this morning. This morning I had a small victory. I haven’t been able to keep down multi-vitamins for years. They come right back up within 30 minutes of taking them. I’ve tried every kind, from regular for men and woman, to woman only and I finally gave up.

Then my Aunt Donna suggested I try the children’s Flintstones Gummy Bear multi-vitamins with immune support and without iron. She told me to take two in the morning with breakfast.

:: drum roll ::

It’s been two hours and I haven’t had any problems at all. I also want to eat the whole bottle. It’s like eating candy for breakfast. Speaking of breakfast, I thought it would make my Mom’s day if I made breakfast in bed for her. She said that was the first time anyone has ever done that. I’m happy she was happy.

So what I have learned in only the first few hours today, a different way of thinking has already brightened my day and make me inspired and motivated. I need to remember to look at the bright side, instead of the doom and gloom. To find that middle balance.

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Mom and I made it home safe and sound the day after we left. We left Georgia at 10:04am Friday the 13th and made it home on Saturday at 2:45pm. We made some insane miles in a short amount of time. My Mom drive and since she has a lead food we averaged 80-85 the whole way. I also had Jonah and Molly on my lap almost the entire way so by the time we both got home we were covered in animal hair and I felt like I’d been hit by a mac truck.

People come into our lives for a reason and who would have thought it would be my first love? The night before we left Vince called me to tell me good luck and to be safe on the road. We’ve been texting ever since and today he sent me a very supportive quote.

“A smile is a sign of joy. A kiss is a sign of love. A laugh is a sign of happiness. A friend like me, well that’s a sign of good taste.”

Like I told him Thursday night, he’s always made me laugh and that quality of his hasn’t changed a bit. He’s being a great friend to me right now which was completely unexpected but aren’t all great things when we’re in a time of need?

Laughter is medicine, I really truly believe that and I’m happy he’s back in my life.

We went to look at a house yesterday that my realtor thought for sure I’d love but the minute I was in that house, I felt repressed, closed in, and by the time I was leaving my panic attack started. Mom asked me if I like the house or felt peace about it, and I didn’t want to disappoint her with the truth, but I’m not a liar so I had to tell her what I really felt even though she liked it so much. She said I need to be honest in how I feel, and if I don’t feel peace in a decision then it isn’t time to make that decision. I love how she’s given me such good advice throughout my life, I only wish I would have listened to her more so I wouldn’t have made such bad decisions.

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My best friend Camille sent me a link today that I can stamp as fact with my Jenny stamp for being true.

It was about the lack of mens commitment when their wife gets a serious illness. You can find it here.

When I got diagnosed with Fibro a lot of things changed in my marriage, and not for the good. It was around that time Brendan started to distance himself from me. I noticed he would spend more time in the basement, and less quality time with me. On my bad days he would take out his frustrations of my illness on me because he said he didn’t have anyone else to talk to. I noticed that I was walking on egg shells around him more, and his drinking gradually became more frequent.

It got to the point where we were not spending any time together, those egg shells I was walking on became glass, and the drinking had become a nightly occurance.

Toward the end of our marriage, I asked him if we could spend one night a month together. He said it was a lot to ask for and he didn’t know if he could commit to it because of work (he works part-time at Publix)

I guess a person just knows when it’s over and it was that moment I knew I had to get out of that toxic environment, and that my marriage was over.

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Brendan and I signed the divorce papers on the 6th and turned them into the court. I have to come back January 7th to go to court to finalize the divorce. In Colorado you don’t have to go back to court. Sigh.

This has taken more than a toll on me. There were things said tonight that touched the very core of my heart. Not in a good way. It questions my very soul to the post important people in my life. The most important person in my life. I’m not sure what to do, or how to fix it. I thought things were completely opposite than the way they were presented. This goes back decades, even longer. I question who I really am as a person who has too big of a heart and so much love to share and I thought everything was understood and ok, but they aren’t. My very soul is questioned. Love is questioned.

I’ve been doing the right thing ever since 2003 and being the responsible adult doing the right thing, making the right decisions, and loving my friends and family for everything, but .. do they feel it like they deserve? It makes me feel that I’m damaged, that I have been, that it’s permanent. These things I will never forget tho they have been forgiven.

When games over ride a friend in need, where does one go. I don’t know anymore. When there is noting left to say, it’s simple. There is nothing left to say.

I never wanted this divorce. I did everything I could so it wouldn’t come to that, but it has. It’s not only hurting me, it’s hurting my Mom too and I feel that’s somehow my fault. I hate it. I hate all this.

Solution of being a hermit is starting to sound pretty good. I can’t hurt anyone that way. After tonight, I’m at my own breaking point, if it hasn’t happened already. Words are daggers, and they went straight into my soul, and hearts can be repaired. But the soul is a different thing altogether. Souls can just die. If my soul would be a person, it should be in ICU, but there is no such thing. It screams, burden. That’s stamped on my forehead for all to see. It’s what my soul screams and I’m so ashamed. There is no way of coming back from that.

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Always stare at a spectacle

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Usually when I wake up in the morning I scroll through all the tweets I missed without really reading them. Not only did I go through each one this morning (I’m sure it was because coffee was still brewing) but I actually read each one. Before coffee!! HA!

Anyway, I found myself a little gem that will make a huge impact on my life. It was a quote. Not only was it exactly what I needed to hear, it was something I needed to believe. Sure, this divorce thing sucks. I’m selling the home I feel in love with without a future home (yet) in the future. I’m actually really trying to act normal as much as possible thinking it will help with the sadness and loss when really I want to curl up in bed and cry my eyes out for the next year with a good supply of kleenex. Can you imagine the monster of a headache you’d have after that? Whoa.

This came from Martin Allsop’s twitter page .. “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us” – Joseph Campbell

Like I told my Mother, I want to get through this whole divorce, moving, etc. thing without any regrets which means I need to be unemotional for a moment to make rational thoughts. Good luck, right?

I was talking to Tiffany last night that I haven’t even heard from my in-laws in over a month. My Mother-in-law and I used to talk/email daily with lots of “I love you’s” and she would always start her letters with her nick name for me .. “Jenny Dear” .. it really hurts and makes me question the whole concept of “family” again. How can you love one of your family members one day, then never speak to them again? It just doesn’t make sense to me .. it just makes me sad, hurt, and in a way abandoned.

Moving forward .. the realtor will be out tomorrow to take pictures of our house and we’ll officially have it on the market with a virtual tour even, hurray!

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This whole divorce thing gets harder everyday. What’s worse, my in-laws have completely cut off all communication with me weeks before divorce was even a thought. I don’t know how the words “love” and “promise” can be thrown around so lightly. I worked so hard to make this marriage work and days later he’s out washing his car that I’m giving him and “returning to his arrogant, sneering prick days, which he really seems to enjoy” to having the worst panic attack ever where I sit with him and hold him and help him feel better while he tells me that he’s always felt him and his ex were perfect (even tho she cheated on him?!) and that our relationship wasn’t even tho he went along with it anyway and strung me along those 4 years based on a lie. This is right after he spent an evening with his friends at an NR rated strip club getting wasted and flirting with the waitress.

Like I said, I’ve done everything I could do for this man, and it’s not like I’m asking for repayment, I mean hell, he’s getting way more than he brought into the marriage, but maybe a little respect or some sort of sensitivity at the situation. When we were talking the night of his panic attack I told him how I gave him my heart and how he used that against me and his reply was “That was your first mistake, never give anyone your heart” .. I thought the safest place to put your heart would be in your husbands hands. He’s right however, pretty stupid of me.

I’m weepy today (which is an understatement). When I said my vows, they were intended to be forever. I never wanted to be divorced. We were on the same path in what we wanted of life, but instead of settling down now he wants “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” … in other words, drop me off at the curb and don’t look back.

This really hurts.

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It seems when it rains it hails. Not for a day or two, but for months on end. There is no positives going on in my life right now, except for my outlook which is quickly deflating like a flat tire who’s spent too many miles on country gravel roads.

I’m sure there are people who are going to say ha ha, serves you right. For them, well, who cares.

I want to end things as peaceful as possible. That’s my goal, who knows if it will turn out that way or not but I want to walk away knowing I did everything I possibly could to make things work. That way I’ll have no regrets in regards to this.

I do feel completely alone in this. I keep thinking of those stupid movies where one woman is getting divorced and all her friends flock around her trying to cheer her up and hook her up with every human with three legs. That’s not been the case with me. My Mother came as support and her hurt and dislike of my husband has been taken out on me which makes me feel like I’m getting ganged up on. I haven’t even began to deal with the love that is now lost and now I’m dealing with everything except myself. I’m pretty sure in situations like this I should be trying to keep myself sane. I haven’t even had a chance for that.

So, this hasn’t been fun. All my friends who have even heard my words the last month are busy with their lives, or whatever and I’m here stuck by myself to figure it all out. I’m wondering when I’ll stop pulling the short straw out of the bunch.

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Molly chewed through my power cable to my laptop so I’ve been off the grid for a few weeks. I just received my replacement power cable in the mail today, just in time for me to have my laptop for a few hours tonight to post, check weeks worth of email and to check my WoW bank alt and put up some auctions.

Tomorrow is my 3rd wedding anniversary and I’m looking forward to the warm weather in Georgia. I’ll be missing my family here in Colorado big time. It’s been the most wonderful visit and hopefully I can come back soon.

Molly has become really attached to my Mother but she will be joining her brother again once we’re home and it will be a good reunion for them. Now that Molly has grown a little more (and when I say a little, I mean a tiny bit, she’s about the size of a squirrel now) and can jump up a little higher at least to get on the couch keeping Jonah running I’m sure.

My bags are mostly packed except for a few last minute things, like my laptop and such. I’m going to miss the companionship of my wonderful Mother and my cousin Tina. Tina and I have rekindled our relationship after a 10 year hiatus, reason being life mostly and we’ve given each other our words to keep in contact.

I’ve been watching baseball since I’ve been here in Colorado mostly due to my Mother, and I’ve come to really enjoy it. Colorado Rockies will be winning (I hope) tonight keeping them in the game heading (hopefully again) to the World Series.

Now to catch the rest of the game and get some more packing done, to make sure I’ve gotten everything and I don’t leave behind anything important. Here’s to my last night in Colorado. I’ll be sad to go.

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I’m finally here at Mom’s house. It’s just beautiful here today, nearly perfect except for the mosquitos. No clouds in the sky, birds chirping in the blue spruces, a distant sound of an airplane, kids next door jumping on their trampoline, Molly sleeping on my lap, the neighbors wireless at full signal showing on my MacBook Pro. I’ve gone Molly shopping to get a nail clipper, some poop bags and a cute halloween outfit with my cousin Tina. We also ate at Coyotes today, a local mexican food restaurant here in town. Finally, some good mexican food! I still haven’t found one venue that has good mexican food in Georgia.

Brendan wasn’t able to make the trip and he missed out on his second half of his birthday present that was waiting here in Colorado. It makes me sad, but it’s beyond my control.

It’s just so great being back in Colorado. Molly and I slept like a log last night. Didn’t wake up once. I’m just getting ready to take an afternoon nap from all the running around. It wore me out and my back is still hurting from yesterday when I was trying to hurry te backs we packed so packing could be easier.

I think that I’m going to start that nap right about now.

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Wow. I had 95 people subscribed to my blog about 4 hours ago. Now I have 19. Either people think I’m having a melt down and they rather not see it, or there is something wrong with feed burner.

Come back to me people!

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I can’t sleep. Mostly due to anxiety over tomorrow. I’m having the nerves in my lower back burned off since all forms of trying to elevate the pain has failed. To be perfectly honest I don’t think the pain in my back is the fibro talking. I’m getting to the point where I can tell the fibro pain from the arthritis pain and my back pain as well as my knee pain are definitely from the arthritis.

After saying that you might think of me as an old woman who’s had her kids which left the nest a long time ago and that my days are spent gardening happy humming in my retirement. When I was in high school I used to think that 30’s were the responsible adults who somehow grew lame and boring the minute of their 30th birthday.

To be perfectly honest I still feel like I’m in my early 20’s because I can’t wrap my mind around how time continues to go faster the older I get. I remember hearing this from my parents growing up and being a child there was no way I could understand it until now as I’m experiencing it. Sigh.

I sometimes feel that I hardly see the dust trails before the second lap is halfway through. I know it is something I’ll never catch again, like I could when I had tea parties with the mad hatter when I was once pretending to be Alice.

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I just got done reading the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. The series took me through nearly all emotions from being scared, worried, anxious to know what came next, to crying my eyes out having lived and gotten to know these fictional characters that became real in a way.

I don’t think I’ve ever read such a good series of books in my life. This was hands down the best. I’ve always enjoyed writing to the point that some of my poetry has been published but I’ve never been so inspired to take that next step to write more than a few short stories to a novella instead. Maybe even a novel itself. My Mother has told me that I should write about my life since I was in high school, and I never gave it a second thought since there were things in my life I’ve rather leave in the forgotten files, for one reason or another.

I’ve read a lot of Stephen King’s books, my husband has read more however, but since I’ve read the Dark Tower series the urge to get to know Stephen King as a person instead of a name on the front cover and a picture on the back cover. That brought me right to his book called On Writing which tells the story of him becoming a writer (I just started it today so I’m sure there is more than just that). It’s exciting to read about a man who was told by his family and his teachers that he would never succeed at writing. I bet those that are still alive are biting their tongues or if they are ignorant and close minded they probably still claim his books are crap even when they are consistently the number one sellers.

For those of you who like Stephen King’s work, I would highly suggest you read the Dark Tower series and don’t let the number or the thickness of the books scare you (I use my kindle to read everything so I never know how thick any book is).

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Holy Moly I’ve been busy doing lots of things. I’ve been reading up about internet marketing along side reading the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. It’s a GREAT series if you ever want to read it, I highly recommend it. I’m taking a few classes right now in the subjects of writing and blogging and marketing while combating my old work for my COBRA papers and a letter so I can sign up for unemployment. They have already robbed me of 2 weeks being uninsured and 2 weeks of my unemployment pay. Rather upset at them for that. It’s the nature of the business however and I couldn’t say how happy I am to not be working for them anymore. Every time I think of how that company screwed me for putting in extra time and effort (you would think that would be a good think right? And they expect you to do that) only to try and forget the 3 weeks of overtime that I’ll never get paid for. Just thinking about it gets my blood boiling and my stress level reaches dangerous levels so I think I’ll put that subject aside for now.

Brendan and I will be going to Colorado in September for my Grandmother Reba’s 90th birthday party. This will be the first time meeting the family. I’m sure he’s nervous and shy and scared. The same emotions I have since I haven’t seen that part of the family since I was a child. We will be good support for each other. I’ll get to introduce him to my Colorado friends too which is going to be the highlight of the trip. The first thing I thought of when we got the airplane tickets was, PACK THE WIRELESS ROUTER as my Mother only has one computer. Funny what geeks think of before the necessities. What am I talking about, that IS a necessity!

Molly is growing fast. She’s now the size of a 10 week old kitten. She’s also getting a little attitude but I’m sure that’s because I spoil her. She does know what “no” means and she stops once she hears it. Smart little booger that she is. We’ll be boarding them at the PetSmart Hotel in the same kennel. They don’t like being away from each other and Molly will need Jonah on her first time away from Mommy and Daddy. Hey, when you don’t have kids, your pets are kids.

Ever since I’ve been laid off our “baby” plans have taken a back burner. Makes me made especially when I see all my friends and couples my same age who either have babies or are planning for babies. We decided to try for kids our second year of marriage and we’re getting close to our 3rd year anniversary. I’m scared one day I’ll say, to hell with it. I hope that day never comes, but it makes two people who thinks it’s time not just one in most cases.

I can’t wait until all the trees start changing so I can go around taking pictures of Kennesaw in the fall. It’s so beautiful. I’m looking so forward to seeing Colorado again. Every time I’m there I miss it more and more. In some ways I feel Kennesaw has been ruined for me with the job and all. See, here I go taking about it when I said I would stop but so much anger is still present about it. People who I thought were friends were actually against me and people who I’ve busted my ass for .. well, I’m going to let it go for now. Only person I hear from is my friend Brian. He’s always been the one I knew would call me and remain friends with me. We have too much of a history and we’ve both gone through so much hell with that company that we’re the only ones that totally understand each other with sparked a wonderful friendship. We also depend on each other to cat sit or dog sit when either one of us is gone. He’s in the Dominican Republic right now for a work thing and we are currently taking care of his cat “Little” who loves the continued chaos that Brendan and I are used to with the pets (kids). She soaks it up like a sponge and goes home as happy as she can be. We’re her second home and she’s Brendan’s favorite since she favors Brendan rather than myself. The other three kids (pets) favor me over him so it works out good to balance things out.

Last week my best friend and adopted sister, Cam, stopped by here with her husband on their way to Texas where her husband who is in the Army got stationed. It’s been 2 years since I’ve seen her and it was the most wonderful visit for the short time they could stay. I’ve realized that 2 years is too long in-between visits and not to make that mistake again. What a refreshing day and 2 nights it was to have them stay. Next time I’m going to have to visit them in Texas and make it down near Houston to visit my long time friend Tiffany and see my neices. They have been going through a hard time since Tiffany’s recent divorice and since I’m going to miss Sharon’s birthday this year I need to make it up to her. Kids just grow up too fast, too fast indeed.

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So, it’s decided. Molly needs some training. She’s gotten in a really bad habit of biting our feet and growling, then the next minute she’s all lovey dovey. When she’s biting my feet I just pick her up so I can actually walk through the house. I’m scared that if she bits my shoe and she gets her tooth or something stuck and I don’t know it and keep walking then I’ll break her teeth and I don’t want to do that. I know that they are her baby teeth but still.

My friend Chriss used to work at Petsmart training doggies so I think I might enroll Molly into the puppy class so we can get some manners out of her. She is also having problems with separation anxiety. Now that I’m home all the time she’s around me all the time. If I go take a shower or go to the bathroom or go outside where she can’t get access to me she doesn’t even care about toys or food, she just sits and cries until I have the door open or I’m back in the house, or she has some sort of access to reach me she’s fine.

She does pretty good in the kennel. We don’t leave for long periods of time. I think the longest we’ve left her in there was 2 hours. She’s still so small and we’re still working on potty training and her bladder is so small that we make sure to get back home soon to take her potty. She only cries for about 5 minutes and then sleeps. Once we get home she cries and lets us know how horrible it was being left alone. She’s really quite the drama queen when it comes  to that.

Anyway, I’ve been missing out on swimming because I’ve been so fatigued lately. I saw my primary care doc today and he put me on something new to help with the fatigue and took me off even more meds (YIPPEEEEE!!!!) and whatever it was that he put me on really works. I haven’t been this awake in days. Now we need to get my back fixed and I’ll be set.

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Sad news. I got a call last night from my Mother. It seems that my Gram B (Dad’s Mom) has passed away. I grew up being neighbors with her all my life until I went to college making frequent trips back to see my folks as well as her. I will aways remember when she started getting dementia. It was when I was 26 years old and I walked into her house and said “hey Gram B, thought I’d drop in and see you!” and she greeted me at the door and gave me a huge and pulled on my red ringlets and said “hi honey, I don’t think I know you, are you new in town?” … “No Grandma, it’s Jenny, your granddaughter, I lived right next door, remember?” .. I’m not quite sure she remembered but she acted like she did and invited me in. We had the same chat about 15 times before I told her I had to go. She’d forgotten who I was by then again and said “bring your parents next time so I can meet them!” with a smile on her face.

I’ll never forget her keyring which taught me my first curse word. It was a big red plastic one that said “BITCH” engraved on it. Whenever I would ask her what it meant she just said it was a female dog. She never had dogs so I could never figure it out, at least until I was older.

She was one of those woman who told odd stories. Once she took me up to Estas Park in the Rocky Mountains. Every high cliff we went by she would tell me that that’s where the Indians used to jump off to commit suicide. In my young mind I knew that wasn’t true, but whenever I see cliffs my eyes still visualize Native Americans jumping off those cliffs. I always wondered who cleaned up the bones afterwords.

Anyway, as eccentric as you were Gram B (which is actually on her license plate on her car she hasn’t driven in 12 years), I loved you. I hope you come back as a dog so you can learn how to laugh and love.

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