Marriage that works
I want to talk about marriage for a bit, because it’s been on my mind lately and I’ve always thought I had the right idea about it but I want to see if this makes any sense. I think marriage is only held together by commitment. Commitment starts the day you say “I do” but it doesn’t end there. Your public declaration of commitment on your wedding day is important, but it’s only the beginning. To have a healthy marriage, you have to focus on commitment and make it a priority. Commitment is more than a promise, more than a one-time decision. It is an ongoing focus on your marriage. It increases the value of the relationship precisely because reasons will always exist not to honor it.
It is the attitude that the married couple will make it work together, no matter what it takes from them – and that is precisely the attitude that makes it work. Committed couples have an attitude of winning, of success. They demonstrate and verbalize their commitment to their partner through encouragement and reassurance.
Trust is the sum of hundreds of everyday experiences that affect our ability to connect with another. Little things. Things like keeping promises, showing up on time, not criticizing when angry and refraining from comical jokes when it’s time to be serious because they affect the ability of each partner to become intimate and operate as soul mates.
There is no room for lying (even by omission, one will always look guilty), cheating (physically or emotionally, either shatters the others heart and trust), changing (either physically, mentally, or emotionally) because you married that person for who they are, praise them for being them.
I was at my cousins house the other night and watched the family dynamic very closely and carefully and this is how it worked. My cousin and her husband haven’t had so much as a small fight, nothing ever serious or anything to cry over, at least not for an extended amount of time.
I think I’m doing it the right way… at least this is how I hope I have been in my marriage because all that makes perfect sense to me. I’ve had my shortcomings and most I have been able to get through and truly examine myself.
