Family Rejection – Family Love
I’ve been asleep for the majority of yesterday and half of today. I’m a bit depressed I think (think? know?) Seems that when it rains it pours and in my forecast there is deadly flooding ahead. All of it has to do with rejection from family.
Things with my Uncle Jim (now known as Jim) didn’t go. Nothing he said was the truth. The most I got from him was a pat on the back, and a hello. He didn’t talk to me like he promised, he didn’t call me right before the party like he promised. Why is it so hard for people to keep their word when it really matters? When it’s really going to make an impact on another persons life? Apparently Jim felt that a pat on the back and him saying hello would erase the last decade he told me to stay away from the family. I don’t understand the insensitivity when it comes to a little effort on ones part to do the right thing.
Then we have my Aunt Charlene (now known as Charlene) who asked me if I wanted anything from Grandma Berry’s around the time she died. The only thing I asked for that was meaningful to me was the china that my Father brought to my Grandmother from Korea. Ever since I was a child my Father used to show me those pieces of China and Charlene is calling me a liar when I tell her which pieces they are. Charlene hasn’t hardly been here until my Father died. I could probably count the times she’s been to see my Grandmother on two hands from the time I was a baby to the time my Father died. The rest of the time my family has taken care of for 29 years. Charlene claims in an email that she’s been behind me on everything, and I can’t think of a single thing she’s ever been behind me for. She hardly knows me. I asked Mom about it and Mom doesn’t have a clue what she’s taking about. The other thing is, I’m the ONLY grandchild left out of the will. In fact, I’m the ONLY one left out of the will period. I believe even her great-grandchildren were on it. That’s been such a huge amount of loss and rejection right there. I didn’t want any money. I wanted validation I was loved, and that’s not something I ever got.
The third thing is my husband. We didn’t exactly part in good terms. In fact, he was supposed to be here with me now. So many people were so excited to see him, including family and friends and again I have to explain why he’s not here, again. It meant so much to my Grandmother that he would be here for her 90th birthday. To see her hurt makes me see red, because it was an extension of me that did that damage to the one remaining Grandmother that I have no doubt loves me. My husband wants us to keep our emails light and simple, but nothing right now in my life is light and simple, except for one small thing….
Molly can now go up and down a huge flight of stairs all by herself.
Now I struggle on staying here or going home. What I need right now is family. I need my Mom, my Grandmother, my cousin Tina. What I also need is friends, the friends I left behind. The friends that have already called me, worried about me, wanting to see me. That’s not something I have in Georgia. I need to be surrounded by love, and I need a place to go when things aren’t going so great.
I just don’t know what to do right now. I know my heart hurts and each piece hurts for a different reason and it’s something I have to overcome, somehow.
