.:: Yolospat ::.

It was a long night last night with Jonah constantly trying to get his cone collar off. It was really late before I got to sleep. When I woke up this morning Jonah was laying beside me WITHOUT his cone collar on. I found it on the floor with the plastic tab torn that holds the whole cone collar together. So far today I’ve seen Jonah start to itch his face but he stops himself before his foot ever makes contact with his wound. I think he just wanted that collar off and I don’t blame him. That collar would make me uncomfortable too.

His vet called today to check up on him to see how he was doing. I told her about the cone collar thing and the wound is getting this grayish scab so the vet said to leave the collar off and make sure to watch him really good.

I didn’t get much sleep last night so I took a nap this afternoon to catch up on sleep. I was woken up by my neighbor of whom I just met a few days ago. There is this beautiful outdoor cat that’s been hanging around my place the past few weeks. He’s a beautiful orange long haired tabby, so I named him Butter. At first I thought he lived next door but when I was up before the sun was last week I found him sleeping under my car so I knew then he was either dumped or his family had moved away without him because he was very well groomed and wasn’t anywhere close to being skinny. As the weeks went on I found him getting thinner and thinner and he had tree leafs stuck in his coat so I brushed him and I’ve been giving him food and water. That’s when I met my neighbor for the first time, the OTHER person giving Butter food and water. She’s a senior with gray curly hair and about as vertically challenged as my Mother. She has this magical sense about her that tells her whenever I go outside because the minute I step out on my front porch I see her walking across the street toward my house. She never stays very long, but we have these mini conversations while she’s here.

One of the first things she talked to me about was the previous owner of this house, Wendy. She said that once Wendy bought the house from her folks she completely stopped taking care of it and it visually stated to look run down to the point that it could have passed for an abandoned house. My neighbor was excited when I moved in because she saw the house and property return to it’s former glory and because of that her own house was recently appraised for more than it’s ever been. Wow, that’s neat to hear.

It’s not the first time one of my neighbors has talked to me about Wendy herself let alone the condition she let the property get to. There is a lot of landscaping that needs to be kept up and both yards are fairly large in size. From my own experience of dealing with Wendy the stories I’m hearing seem to go along with what I know about her. To have so many neighbors come up to me and thank me for the work that’s been done to the place and to tell me how thankful they are to have a “neighborly” neighbor says a lot about what it used to be like around here.

It’s also nice to have neighbors myself that I’ve gotten to know. Brendan and I never really got to know our neighbors, and as much as I dislike people coming over uninvited, I’m glad my neighbors do. It makes me feel like we’re all looking out for each other, and it softens the adjustment I’ve had to make living alone for the first time in 6 years. Having said that it doesn’t make me miss my husband any less wishing he were here.

Mom and I made it home safe and sound the day after we left. We left Georgia at 10:04am Friday the 13th and made it home on Saturday at 2:45pm. We made some insane miles in a short amount of time. My Mom drive and since she has a lead food we averaged 80-85 the whole way. I also had Jonah and Molly on my lap almost the entire way so by the time we both got home we were covered in animal hair and I felt like I’d been hit by a mac truck.

People come into our lives for a reason and who would have thought it would be my first love? The night before we left Vince called me to tell me good luck and to be safe on the road. We’ve been texting ever since and today he sent me a very supportive quote.

“A smile is a sign of joy. A kiss is a sign of love. A laugh is a sign of happiness. A friend like me, well that’s a sign of good taste.”

Like I told him Thursday night, he’s always made me laugh and that quality of his hasn’t changed a bit. He’s being a great friend to me right now which was completely unexpected but aren’t all great things when we’re in a time of need?

Laughter is medicine, I really truly believe that and I’m happy he’s back in my life.

We went to look at a house yesterday that my realtor thought for sure I’d love but the minute I was in that house, I felt repressed, closed in, and by the time I was leaving my panic attack started. Mom asked me if I like the house or felt peace about it, and I didn’t want to disappoint her with the truth, but I’m not a liar so I had to tell her what I really felt even though she liked it so much. She said I need to be honest in how I feel, and if I don’t feel peace in a decision then it isn’t time to make that decision. I love how she’s given me such good advice throughout my life, I only wish I would have listened to her more so I wouldn’t have made such bad decisions.

My best friend Camille sent me a link today that I can stamp as fact with my Jenny stamp for being true.

It was about the lack of mens commitment when their wife gets a serious illness. You can find it here.

When I got diagnosed with Fibro a lot of things changed in my marriage, and not for the good. It was around that time Brendan started to distance himself from me. I noticed he would spend more time in the basement, and less quality time with me. On my bad days he would take out his frustrations of my illness on me because he said he didn’t have anyone else to talk to. I noticed that I was walking on egg shells around him more, and his drinking gradually became more frequent.

It got to the point where we were not spending any time together, those egg shells I was walking on became glass, and the drinking had become a nightly occurance.

Toward the end of our marriage, I asked him if we could spend one night a month together. He said it was a lot to ask for and he didn’t know if he could commit to it because of work (he works part-time at Publix)

I guess a person just knows when it’s over and it was that moment I knew I had to get out of that toxic environment, and that my marriage was over.

Molly chewed through my power cable to my laptop so I’ve been off the grid for a few weeks. I just received my replacement power cable in the mail today, just in time for me to have my laptop for a few hours tonight to post, check weeks worth of email and to check my WoW bank alt and put up some auctions.

Tomorrow is my 3rd wedding anniversary and I’m looking forward to the warm weather in Georgia. I’ll be missing my family here in Colorado big time. It’s been the most wonderful visit and hopefully I can come back soon.

Molly has become really attached to my Mother but she will be joining her brother again once we’re home and it will be a good reunion for them. Now that Molly has grown a little more (and when I say a little, I mean a tiny bit, she’s about the size of a squirrel now) and can jump up a little higher at least to get on the couch keeping Jonah running I’m sure.

My bags are mostly packed except for a few last minute things, like my laptop and such. I’m going to miss the companionship of my wonderful Mother and my cousin Tina. Tina and I have rekindled our relationship after a 10 year hiatus, reason being life mostly and we’ve given each other our words to keep in contact.

I’ve been watching baseball since I’ve been here in Colorado mostly due to my Mother, and I’ve come to really enjoy it. Colorado Rockies will be winning (I hope) tonight keeping them in the game heading (hopefully again) to the World Series.

Now to catch the rest of the game and get some more packing done, to make sure I’ve gotten everything and I don’t leave behind anything important. Here’s to my last night in Colorado. I’ll be sad to go.

Well, things might actually be looking up. Turns out I have a nice healthy heart with no problems. Couldn’t ask for a better report. I tried to get a picture of the ulta-sound but the lady didn’t have a printer. Bummber. I’m trying to get as many pictures of my insides as possible. So far I have my bronchial scope and the MRI of my lower back (it sort of looks like a staircase) .. that’s what I get for not taking care of it sooner.

I’m 80 pounds lighter since the first of the year. No, I’m not dieting, I didn’t have any radical surgeries (at least ones I wasn’t completely conscious for), I do for the most part eat really healthy but I’ll have the occasional junk food every once in a while. I’m losing it from being sick and losing my appetite. It’s amazing how much faster you move minus 80 pounds tugging along with you. I hope it keeps up actually. Everyone wants to lose weight without doing anything, but … I know they don’t want to suffer through the sickness the whole time.

I am, get this …. I am getting better. I’m taking half the pain meds I used to take. I haven’t taken Oxycodone for 2 weeks and I eliminated my morphine capsule at night. I’m scared because for long periods of time on narcotic pain meds, the pain subconsciously feels worse than what it is. That scares me. Not sure I can handle much more, but it has gone down a bit. i don’t walk through days with an 8 on the pain scale. Right now it’s about a 5.5. That’s progress! I’m also feeling good that every single thing I get out of my closet falls off me. It’s been a long time since that happened. I have to wear a belt with every pair of jeans I have. I can move better, my shortness of breath has nearly gone away.

Nothing with my disease(s)/syndromes are easy fixes. All of them are permanent, but the difference is, I got me some good doctors finally who actually care how I feel. My Pulmonologist took it upon himself to get me into a drug trial for severe asthmatics to try this preventive drug which is most importantly, steroid free. It’s not like I have an appointment wit him … this was an after thought on his point to make sure I’m getting the best treatment available. Finally, I found the right people.

In other news, my Mother is flying down on Saturday to spend the week with us. Since I have Monday off I want to drive to Savannah Georgia. Since I’m getting better I think I’ll be able to handle the car ride fairly well, just as long as Mom and I don’t start one of our fights (like last time). They never last long, I just hate them to begin with. I’ve missed her so much, and I want her to see Spring in Kennesaw. Can’t wait!

As for work, I had a bad few days obviously if you read my twitter. Confidence is back and I’m right there in the middle of he game again getting done what needs to be done. Today I’ve had to give my team a tiny push as the deadline I set for them is coming up and I’m still seeing a lot of tickets in their queue still which is only 50% of the way I’m expecting them to go. We had a 45 second quick meeting reminding them of the impending clock that keeps ticking by not leaving them much time to reach their goal. I have faith, however.

I hadn’t installed MacPorts since I reinstalled OS X and it feels good that its finally back So much easier to install programs. Plus, I’m a geek. What “normal” user would actually go through the mess and even the understanding of MacPorts. Heh.

So I’m going to try and condense down the Colorado trip the best I can. I’ve noticed that when I”m really emotional about something the best time to deal and/or write about it in a political way is after the fact once I got all my bearing straight and the emotions don’t out talk my logic.

The first night I got in Uncle Don and Aunt Donna meet Mom and I at at the Armadillo in Lasalle. I couldn’t believe how much some parts of the towns had changed, and how other parts of the towns hadn’t changed at all. Like for instance, Platteville. Still the same. The old house I grew up in still looks the same. Grandma Berry’s house still looked the same inside and out. See, Grandma Berry can’t see much more than light or dark but when I got up close to her she grabbed the bangs of my hair and started whispering “jenny jenny jenny jenny jenny” and when I finally spoke and said “Yes, Grandma, it’s Jenny” she started crying. She can’t forget me. I might not have been home for 4-5 years but you can’t forget living right next door to your grand daughter watching her grow up all her life. Seemed like my Mother and I showing up was center of attention and we all know how much I hate that.

I got to see some women, whom I used to give piano lessons to and babysit sit. Now they are grown and have more children than I have pets.

Of course going out to the farm made me miss Uncle Joe and Aunt Martha so much I made Mom promise she would set up a meeting with them too before I left to go home. took pictures of Morning Fresh Farms and then jumped down to Mespaigh cemetery to see the ranch and to see my dad. He was doing ok. I talked to him a bit. I think Mom did too. Sort of weird talking to stone, but whatever. Seems like that was a completely different life back then when he was alive. I think we were all different people back then. I’m sure I would have had a whole different life. Would I change it? I don’t know where’d.

After all the crying and seeing all the family I met all my friends up at the Armadillo in Fort Collins. It was strange. It was so surreal I almost felt drunk without drinking.

It sure was a great night. I never realized now much I missed my friends until that very moment. I had never felt so home sick, for everything back. For my old job back, for my old house back. Not my old life tho. No way. No how. I told them next time we come I’ll being the hubby so they can all meet them. I only want to talk about the good parts of the trip so I am going to not talk about doctors and appointments and news and all that other stuff I went to to. I sure didn’t have problems falling asleep at all.

I keep meaning to write about my trip to Colorado but every time I start I get overwhelmed with the amount of events that happened in such a short time. It was like an emotional mountain I climbed each and every day seeing my most precious friends, and seeing family I haven’t even spoken with for over 15 years.

Anyway, the Colorado trip will have to be broken down into several entries at best to fit it all in..

Oh that note, I’m tired and sleepy and ready for bed.

I’m meeting with all my friends in Colorado. I’m getting calls and people are contacting me saying they want to get together. I’ve been feeling so lonely lately s this makes me so uber happy and loved. I have about 11 people meeting me at the Armadillo in Fort Collins, Colorado at 6pm so if anyone else wants to join the party, that’s where we’ll be.

I just got off the phone with SarahJean and oh it was so good to hear her voice. Thank goodness to the internet. I’ve missed everyone so much but I didn’t realize just how MUCH I’ve missed everyone until I’ve had a chance to talk to all these people just like we picked up where we left off in a way. This is the pick me up I’ve been needing and wanting. There’s a reason for everything, definitely.

In other news, there was a gas leak at work yesterday so we were all sent home to work from home. I got all cuddled in bed taking calls and working from my laptop. I got more done yesterday than I have all week. Today they had the heat up past 80 due to the doors being open all night to air out the building and it got stuck at 80 until 3/4 of the day was over and we’re all sitting there in our own sweat. Finally they fixed the temp and the rest of the day was comfortable.

With all these people I’m talking to, they are all asking about my husband and if he is coming. I wish more than anything he could, but he will eventually. It was such short notice and he couldn’t get the time off. I am telling them how wonderful he is and how lucky I am to have him. He’s my first lucky break.

Ohhhhh excitement feels good.

Other than sleeping all day, I did manage to clean up the kitchen and put all my meds that require needles in baggies so they are right there when I need them instead of going to 3 different places around the house looking for what I need. I still have the other half the kitchen to clean which is going to be project in itself.

Mom called me tonight to let me know she got an invite that my Grandma B will be having an open house 90th birthday party. She’s been really really sick lately and they don’t expect her to live much longer, so this is really going to be the last time I’ll probably ever see her.

It will also be the first time of me returning to Colorado since I left so I’m excited about that. I’ll be gone from the 18th to the 20th. For all my Colorado friends, call me, IM me, email me and we’ll all hook up. I miss ya all. The first place we’re stopping once I get in Colorado on the way home is the Armadillo, the BEST mexican food restaurant EVER!!!!!! I’m so excited about that. My mouth just started salivating.

I have yet to find a good mexican food restaurant here in Georgia and I have tried lots and lots and lots. I just can’t wait to have me some good, authentic Mexican food. I’m hoping to see my Aunt Donna and Uncle Don while I’m there, along with my Aunt Martha and Uncle Joe. I hope! I wish!

And, for being awake for such a short amount of time, I’m ready for bed again. I hope something starts helping me soon, oy!