.:: Yolospat ::.

I’m planning something big this year year. It’s not some lame New Year’s resolution list of goals that just set one up to fail. No, it’s not going to be something impossible either, like hoping for the cure for Fibromyalgia – It’s not going to be something that I can’t control.

The one person I have control over is me. I’ve learned some pretty hard lessons this last year I’m surprised I made it out with my sanity. I’m going to let go of the last horrible rotten year and leave it in the past. I will carry with me those lessons learned. They are the only stow aways that are permitted to come with me into 2011.

I will do everything in my power to kick myself. I’m going to kick my ass out of the pity parties that have been coming around more and more it seems. I’m going to get myself out from underneath this cloud of negativity. I’m not going to be afraid to fail – because i will from time to time and I can grow from it – at least I would have tried.

My first leap into making this the year of Yolospat has to do with my better half. My best friend and soulmate. My ex-husband. I know I know, you’re all thinking, “You’re best friends with your ex-husband?!” Well, we are a rare breed I suppose. In fact, we have better communication skills now with each other than when we were married. I would have not made it through this last year without him. It’s been a year and almost 4 months since I saw him last so this month I’m going to fly out to Georgia to see him. We are both excited, and it gives us something to look forward to. We never got to say goodbye when we made – in my opinion – too rash of a decision. Growth and good changes between us have happened, and also individually that couldn’t have happened had we still been together. Brendan is what smiles are made of, and I can’t wait to see him. We have agreed that I would bring his xmas box with me instead of shipping it so that we can open his presents together.

I have a few projects lined up for this next year. I will be focusing on my writing this year. This includes my blogs, articles, journaling, poetry, freelancing, short stories and a novel I’m working on at the moment. I’m also going to be focusing on my artwork and bring my portfolio into existence. I’m going to try and volunteer at the humane society. I also have house projects lined up, like painting a few rooms, my fence and my deck. I need to put the art studio back together too. I think I might bring the studio inside and put it int he basement for the winter so I won’t have to worry about heating the garage (which is detached from the home).

I have to remember to pace myself. Living with Fibromyalgia is a very tricky balancing act. If I have a good day and I use up more energy than I should have I’ll be in bed for the next 2 days exhausted. I have to remember that I can only do so much and the better I pace myself the greater my “good days” will be. I also want to talk about Fibromyalgia this year in detail to spread the word and to debunk the myths. I’ve talked about it briefly from time to time but it’s a very hard medical condition to understand. I want to help people understand, so anyone has questions please feel free to ask.

My Writer’s Market book came in the mail yesterday. It’s what every writer needs in reference to publishing, agents, writing idea’s, tips and tricks. You name it, it’s got it. It also has the updated 2011 list of all agents and houses, including what they specialize in and what they are looking for. I also got the Short Story Writer’s Market book too.

I hope everyone makes this year a better year. I know I am.

A few items are on the plate this evenings (er, mornings, how’d that happen so fast? So little time so much to do) blog post. First off, World of Warcraft’s Cataclysm finally has a release date! December 7th. That’s a few weeks after I started playing WoW back in 2005. Wow, it seems like yesterday. I will probably pre-order. I wouldn’t be able to stand in the huge long lines. I’m getting too old or something. So what if I get the game a day late? Amazon is good about sending the game out so you get it on the release day. I haven’t played WoW for weeks, but I think it might catch up once Cataclysm will pick up my gaming time.

I’ve been gearing up for NaNoWriMo!! NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month where one has to write 50,000 words of their novel from November 1st through November 30’s. This will be my first year doing it. I’m excited. You can follow my progress at My NaNoWriMo page. I’m writing a lot of short stories this month, and practicing on some writing prompts I have been collecting over the last year since I missed it last year.

Speaking of missing NaNoWriMo last year, sigh. This is the month of October and in 4 more days will be the anniversary of the day I got married. It’s almost going to be a year since I’ve seen my husband ex-husband. It doesn’t feel possible, it feels like a decade. And the worst part about it is through all the hustle and bustle of getting packed and moved, we never got to say goodbye to each other. The other worst part is that I don’t know when I will see him again. I miss him more than any word I can think of in the English language. Its emotional agony, only worse. I lost my soul-mate and my best friend all at the same time. Adjusting to being a single female living by myself is an adjustment I keep fighting subconsciously. I feel scared much of the time, especially at nights knowing he’s not here makes everything seem empty, but through my art, writing, reading, crocheting, and now knitting, I’m trying to keep myself as busy as possible. I’m so grateful for our telephone calls nearly every night, and I’m thankful we keep in constant communication and we’ve both grown from this experience, and he will always be my soul-mate no matter what happens in the future. The distance is so hard though, just so hard. When incidents happen like they did with “Lance” a week ago it makes me wish I were still in Georgia.

Jonah is a lot better. His face is healing at a remarkable speed. The scabs are starting to fall off and new skin is fresh and pink underneath. My friend David got a new puppy. A miniature Chihuahua named taco. I was scared at first that taco and Molly would butt heads for dominance but it was amazing how fast she took to him. This is the first time she’s meeting a dog smaller than her, it was so cute. David made a funny joke. He said if Molly and Taco had puppies, they would have tamales. Hehe. Pictures coming soon of Taco. I’m also building a computer for David that he can use now that he’s gone back to school and kicking ass with his grades.

I’ve been using my iPad a lot for writing out my short stories and my writing exercises. For some reason I’ve gotten a talent for tying on it. It actually makes me write even more than I do already. I found a program on the iPad called Manuscript that connects to DropBox so I work on it no matter where I am.

It was a long night last night with Jonah constantly trying to get his cone collar off. It was really late before I got to sleep. When I woke up this morning Jonah was laying beside me WITHOUT his cone collar on. I found it on the floor with the plastic tab torn that holds the whole cone collar together. So far today I’ve seen Jonah start to itch his face but he stops himself before his foot ever makes contact with his wound. I think he just wanted that collar off and I don’t blame him. That collar would make me uncomfortable too.

His vet called today to check up on him to see how he was doing. I told her about the cone collar thing and the wound is getting this grayish scab so the vet said to leave the collar off and make sure to watch him really good.

I didn’t get much sleep last night so I took a nap this afternoon to catch up on sleep. I was woken up by my neighbor of whom I just met a few days ago. There is this beautiful outdoor cat that’s been hanging around my place the past few weeks. He’s a beautiful orange long haired tabby, so I named him Butter. At first I thought he lived next door but when I was up before the sun was last week I found him sleeping under my car so I knew then he was either dumped or his family had moved away without him because he was very well groomed and wasn’t anywhere close to being skinny. As the weeks went on I found him getting thinner and thinner and he had tree leafs stuck in his coat so I brushed him and I’ve been giving him food and water. That’s when I met my neighbor for the first time, the OTHER person giving Butter food and water. She’s a senior with gray curly hair and about as vertically challenged as my Mother. She has this magical sense about her that tells her whenever I go outside because the minute I step out on my front porch I see her walking across the street toward my house. She never stays very long, but we have these mini conversations while she’s here.

One of the first things she talked to me about was the previous owner of this house, Wendy. She said that once Wendy bought the house from her folks she completely stopped taking care of it and it visually stated to look run down to the point that it could have passed for an abandoned house. My neighbor was excited when I moved in because she saw the house and property return to it’s former glory and because of that her own house was recently appraised for more than it’s ever been. Wow, that’s neat to hear.

It’s not the first time one of my neighbors has talked to me about Wendy herself let alone the condition she let the property get to. There is a lot of landscaping that needs to be kept up and both yards are fairly large in size. From my own experience of dealing with Wendy the stories I’m hearing seem to go along with what I know about her. To have so many neighbors come up to me and thank me for the work that’s been done to the place and to tell me how thankful they are to have a “neighborly” neighbor says a lot about what it used to be like around here.

It’s also nice to have neighbors myself that I’ve gotten to know. Brendan and I never really got to know our neighbors, and as much as I dislike people coming over uninvited, I’m glad my neighbors do. It makes me feel like we’re all looking out for each other, and it softens the adjustment I’ve had to make living alone for the first time in 6 years. Having said that it doesn’t make me miss my husband any less wishing he were here.

Just got home from the vet hospital and a very scary few hours. 

Earlier tonight I was drawing and I kept hearing Jonah’s dog tags jingling over and over in the family room. I went to check on him and a 2 inch by 3 inch area of skin was hanging like a flap where his cheek used to be, and raw bloody muscle was left. I couldn’t tell you all the thoughts running through my head as to what caused this to happen but I didn’t have time to investigate. I grabbed my keys, then grabbed Jonah and rushed him to the front seat of the car. Somewhere between where I picked him up in the house to the front door the skin flap fell off, which I found when I got home.

I called Jonah’s vet and the after hours message said to go to the emergency vet hospital on 23rd by Bank of Choice. I didn’t even look to see if I parked between the lines, grabbed Jonah and rushed him inside. Luckily they were able to pull up his vet records since my vets office is their sister shop and took us right back to an exam room. 

The vet tech was super personable and Jonah warmed right up to her considering the circumstances. She explained to me that he had some sort of allergy to something which caused a bad rash on his skin under his fur. Because his ears cover that area and because that area is in a damp hot spot it made it the perfect breeding ground for bacteria to grow. Since the rash was so bad it only took one scratch from Jonah to pull all the skin off where the rash was to leave this open gaping wound. They had to shave off all the hair on the right side of his face to see how var the rash spread (about twice the size of the raw part) and sprayed a topical steroid spray on it after cleaning it up. I’m supposed to spray that topical spray right on the raw part every 6 hours for 2 weeks. The vet tech said at first it burns a little but to rub his ears right after so he forgets the pain sooner. He’s also on antibiotics and pain meds. 

The poor guy just doesn’t know what to do with the cone collar. He will just stand there and not move. He’ll get used to it eventually, but I feel so bad for him. He is uncomfortable and it’s written all over his face. I’m going to sleep downstairs on the couch so I don’t have to carry him up and down the stairs. I’m not sure how I picked him up so many time when I rushed him to the hospital due to the weakness from Fibro. I’m sure it was the adrenaline from the initial shock. 

So I have him home now and he is snoozing on the rug. The pain meeds mush have just kicked in. The open wound can’t be covered so it heals from the sides to the middle. It has to be so painful, I just feel so bad for him. 

I was worried at first if it was something I either did or didn’t do or I didn’t pay close enough attention to but the vet reassured me that there was nothing I could do to prevent what happened. She also said she could tell Jonah was very loved. When I asked her what she meant she Sid that when she did his physical exam she was guessing he was between 2-3 years old before she looked at his records and saw he was 6 years old and that’s the sign of a very loved very happy dog. That made me feel good. I’ve never questioned if I were a good furbaby Mom, but it’s nice to actually hear that sometimes. Continue reading to see pictures of Jonah’s wound.

Jonah's cheek where the skin fell off

Jonah looks so sad in his cone collar

I’m still recovering a bit from the events that happened on Wednesday the 14th. I was getting around to go to a wedding. My long time friend and her girlfriend were having a ceremony down at the park a few blocks away from my house. I put a sun dress on with my sneakers (ya, that’s just how I roll) and thought I would take Molly with me since she was pretty hyper and I felt the walk could do her some good and wear her out a little. I grabbed my iPhone and digital camera in one hand, and the leash in my other hand.

And we set off toward the park. I didn’t realize how distraught Jonah was going to be without Molly. He usually whimpers and cries when I leave the house but it was like he was being tortured when i took Molly and not him (he goes for walks without Molly and Molly usually just chases the cat around) and it’s too hard on me to take both of them because their leashes get wrapped around each other and I don’t have money to get one of those Y leashes. Anyway, I could still hear Jonah howling 3 blocks away. I thought he would eventually settle down because Mommy always came home and he knew that.

As I neared the park I started looking around for a group of people indicating where the wedding was. It’s a big park with a big lake in the middle. It was so bloody hot, sweat was rolling down my face. I’ve always been a bit sweater, not like some of those girls who stay nice and dry who’s makeup doesn’t even smudge (like I wear makeup but you know what I mean). I decided to cut through the center of the park, where there was a bridge that went over the center of the lake so I could could get an eagle eye view of the park so I could find this wedding since I was 5 minutes late at that point. Then right when I was nearing the middle of the bridge I thought I saw Molly out of the corner of my eye jump over the railing bar. I turned around but my right foot didn’t turn with me and I lost my balance going right through the center of the bridge bars and head first toward the lake. Because I had Molly’s leash tied around my hand she came tumbling in after me. As soon as I hit the water I started looking for Molly which didn’t take long because I could feel her cocooning on my head. So with one hand balancing her on my head I used the other hand to swim toward the shore.

A really nice middle aged couple saw what happened and were at the side of the lake ready to help me up and out. The lady had a hard time getting Molly off my head and I kept slipping on the mud but I finally got out and just plopped right down on the grass in shock of what happened holding Molly close as she licked gross lake water off my face. The couple asked me if I was ok or if they needed to call 911 and I told them I was fine, just a little shaken. When I stood back up I realized I didn’t have any shoes on. I also realized I wasn’t holding my iPhone or my digital camera either. All three items became the lakes lunch.

I didn’t even try looking for the wedding at that point. My back started getting sharp pains in it and I just knew i needed to get home and get showered. Molly wouldn’t let me put her down the whole way home and I didn’t blame her. The street was really hot on my bare feet so I tried to walk on my neighbors grass as much as possible.

I feel horrible for not making the wedding. I wanted to be there so bad on my friends special day. I’m pretty distraught about losing my digital camera. It’s going to take a while to get that replaced.

What a day …. I’ll laugh about it in a few months. The next day I had a sore throat and laryngitis and the next few days after that I was just really tired and sore, like you feel after you’ve been in a car accident. Today I’m back to normal. Molly has been really clingy to me ever since it happened. Poor girl, I hope that this doesn’t scar her. Jonah was happy to have us home. He had tears I had to wipe away because he couldn’t stand being away from his sister. Those two have really bonded. I’m glad too, it’s just what I had hoped for the both of them.

Me and my clutzy adventures ..

Mom and I made it home safe and sound the day after we left. We left Georgia at 10:04am Friday the 13th and made it home on Saturday at 2:45pm. We made some insane miles in a short amount of time. My Mom drive and since she has a lead food we averaged 80-85 the whole way. I also had Jonah and Molly on my lap almost the entire way so by the time we both got home we were covered in animal hair and I felt like I’d been hit by a mac truck.

People come into our lives for a reason and who would have thought it would be my first love? The night before we left Vince called me to tell me good luck and to be safe on the road. We’ve been texting ever since and today he sent me a very supportive quote.

“A smile is a sign of joy. A kiss is a sign of love. A laugh is a sign of happiness. A friend like me, well that’s a sign of good taste.”

Like I told him Thursday night, he’s always made me laugh and that quality of his hasn’t changed a bit. He’s being a great friend to me right now which was completely unexpected but aren’t all great things when we’re in a time of need?

Laughter is medicine, I really truly believe that and I’m happy he’s back in my life.

We went to look at a house yesterday that my realtor thought for sure I’d love but the minute I was in that house, I felt repressed, closed in, and by the time I was leaving my panic attack started. Mom asked me if I like the house or felt peace about it, and I didn’t want to disappoint her with the truth, but I’m not a liar so I had to tell her what I really felt even though she liked it so much. She said I need to be honest in how I feel, and if I don’t feel peace in a decision then it isn’t time to make that decision. I love how she’s given me such good advice throughout my life, I only wish I would have listened to her more so I wouldn’t have made such bad decisions.

Our whole family has been going through the grieving process this past week which in turn makes this past week, for lack of a better term, suck. After some talk, we’ve decided that Jonah needs a friend in which he can speak dog to. One that is smaller than him so he’s not intimidated. One that doesn’t want to play with my 11 year old Neves and scratch him up to the point that he hides most of the time (he’s really getting social without the fear of a kitten ready to pounce him at any minute). And one with girl bits, not boy bits because

I’ve always wanted a girl pet, and let me tell you, I’ve had a LOT of pets throughout my life. I don’t know how I always get stuck with boys. I’m not sure I planned it that way, I think it just happened but not this time. This time, Jonah is going to have a little sister, a best friend, and a life long companion. Jonah is damn near a perfect dog in all ways. He has such good manners and he would be the perfect role model for a youngin’ to look up to, and adopt those good mannerisms, like how to ask to go to the bathroom, and how to ask for more water or to let us know his food bowl is empty. How not to beg, but sit patiently while us humans are eating our human food even if he doesn’t take his eyes off of each and every bite we take.

We want a little mini wiener dog. Now it’s time for the search and to make sure we are getting a healthy dog. I already called the humane society and they don’t have any we could adopt. It’s always the first place I look.

This isn’t a replacement by any means … nothing can replace our dear Pepper, but just like humans, animals weren’t made to go at it alone.

I feel like I’m too tired to update, but I am anyway. Kipp is being a dear and doing one of my panels tomorrow morning. Thanks Kipp!! I owe ya! Now I only have to be at work from 8-7pm, or, if I take comp time, 10-7pm. But I’ll probably be there around 8:30, just because I have so much to do. I need to go through and evaluate new Help Desk software, and get more work done on sharepoint. I think we’re going to go to a PHP based help desk, and something open source. Scott found Zentrack, but I haven’t had a chance to play around with it any. Hopefully tomorrow, er, today.

Took Jonah and went to Mom’s tonight for dinner. She was feeling a bit down about things going on at work. She called me today and wanted to know if I could take a day off tomorrow, er, today and we could go do something. I just have too much going on to take any time off, and I felt bad about it, but she understood. I wish there was something more I could do, but I know that when things are bad at work, then work just plain sucks. This is spoken from experience of hell for the last two years. I feel like I can finally breath now that work is going good. I just wish things were the same with Mom.

Don’t you hate when you get some popcorn stuck between your teeth. You know, that outer skin from the kernal? I can’t seem to get it and now my gums are hurting where it’s lodged up between my tooth and my gums. Argh, frustrating.

Jonah was acting a little funny when I got home today, and it continued until right before I left Mom’s house. Then he slept the whole way home, and he’s been sleeping ever since. I couldn’t figure out why, except that maybe he had a tummy ache or something. Then I noticed that he chewed the cord to my cell phone charger. Chewed right through it. I wonder if he got shocked. That would make sense for his whining tonight. If he’s still acting whiney tomorrow I’m going to call the vet. There is good news tho. The pee stake is working! He goes right outside and pees right on it, in the rocks even. I’m so happy. Now if I can keep this habit up, I can save the $$ I’ve been spending on doggy diapers. No, these diapers don’t actually go ON him, it’s like a mat that goes on the floor that he can pee on. He’s doing good, I’m just crossing my fingers. I’ve also noticed he’s getting a bit shy around new people and places lately. I haven’t really socialized him that much in the last few weeks, and now since it stays lighter later I’ll start taking him to the dog park after work.

Oh yes, I have more to write about, but it will have to be in a different post. You know, like a hidden one