.:: Yolospat ::.

Found this from a blog I often visit and saw this. I’m also sending this to my Mother since she’s had to deal with the brunt of my ADD throughout my life, both through the good and the hard times.

There is a common misconception in the world that having ADD is a bad thing. While the ADD-wired brain certainly presents some challenges, it also offers some incredible benefits.

I thought this would be a great time to offer a reminder about how being different can be an advantage! The following is a list of characteristics that I consistently see in my clients, friends, and colleagues with ADD.

1. Compassion. People with ADD have a tremendous power to connect with other people. But it goes a step further than that. We also have an advanced ability to empathize with others, and to see many different perspectives.

TV personality Ty Pennington, host of TV’s Extreme Home Makeover, has ADD.

2. Creativity. I’ve never met an ADDer who wasn’t creative! Writers, painters, musicians, film makers, designers, sculptors, comedians – the list goes on! Artistic talents are abundant.

Musician Justin Timberlake has ADD.

3. Drive. When an ADDer is bored with a task, completing it can seem like torture. But give an ADDer an interesting project to work on and watch out! When we want to succeed, and we have the necessary tools to do so, there is no stopping us!

Olympic Gold Medalist and record-breaker Michael Phelps has ADD.

4. Problem Solving Ability. ADDers thrive on solving problems and puzzles. Give us an interesting problem to solve and we won’t be able to drop it until we’ve found the solution!

Important historical inventors such as Thomas Edison is believed to have had ADD.

5. Hyper-Focus. The ability to hyper-focus is something that we ADDers can use to our advantage. When kept under control and directed towards productive tasks, like accomplishing goals and living dreams, it can be an incredible asset that allows us to get the job done, and done well!

David Neeleman, Founder and former CEO of Jet Blue Airways, has ADD.

6. Sense of Humor/Comedic Flair. Most ADDers love to laugh, and many also have a knack for making others laugh!

Famous comedian Howie Mandel has ADD.

7. Resiliency. There’s no denying that even though there are many great qualities that come along with ADD, there are also challenges. But ADDers have an incredible ability to bounce back from those challenges.

Chef and Food Network star Tyler Florence has ADD.

8. Intuition. ADDers have a sharp sense of intuition. This may be due to highly tuned levels of perception, or great insight into the human mind, or something else that we have yet to understand. Whatever the reason, it’s a very useful gift!

9. Idea Generating. ADDers are wonderful idea generators. We don’t usually like to be bothered with details, but we can come up with ideas at lightning speed! We’re a true asset in brainstorming meetings!

Entrepreneur Richard Branson of the Virgin empire has ADD.

10. That “Special Something”. Many ADDers feel that they have a unique way of looking at the world, a perspective that others just don’t understand. That is, until the ADDer meets other people with ADD! You might say that we’re on our own wavelength!

Just a quick update on my Nieces afghans that I’m making for them. During the time I was taking these pictures super beetle (easily 2 inches long) came flying in the house as I let Jonah in. I was so scared I thought I’d pee, but I managed to get him under a plastic cup for Brendan to deal with when he got home from the grocery store. That thing was hissing up a storm. Just, gross.

Anyway, Tiffany’s father said that these afghans could be family heirlooms. That made me feel good. Like, really good. I just do it because I love my two little girls

Our whole family has been going through the grieving process this past week which in turn makes this past week, for lack of a better term, suck. After some talk, we’ve decided that Jonah needs a friend in which he can speak dog to. One that is smaller than him so he’s not intimidated. One that doesn’t want to play with my 11 year old Neves and scratch him up to the point that he hides most of the time (he’s really getting social without the fear of a kitten ready to pounce him at any minute). And one with girl bits, not boy bits because

I’ve always wanted a girl pet, and let me tell you, I’ve had a LOT of pets throughout my life. I don’t know how I always get stuck with boys. I’m not sure I planned it that way, I think it just happened but not this time. This time, Jonah is going to have a little sister, a best friend, and a life long companion. Jonah is damn near a perfect dog in all ways. He has such good manners and he would be the perfect role model for a youngin’ to look up to, and adopt those good mannerisms, like how to ask to go to the bathroom, and how to ask for more water or to let us know his food bowl is empty. How not to beg, but sit patiently while us humans are eating our human food even if he doesn’t take his eyes off of each and every bite we take.

We want a little mini wiener dog. Now it’s time for the search and to make sure we are getting a healthy dog. I already called the humane society and they don’t have any we could adopt. It’s always the first place I look.

This isn’t a replacement by any means … nothing can replace our dear Pepper, but just like humans, animals weren’t made to go at it alone.

It doesn’t have to be a special holiday for me to give gifts. I usually end up giving more gifts to people on a normal day then I do on a holiday. Trying to catching up with my millions of TV shows that are sitting on the DVR (halfway there!) I will sit and crochet with someone in mind. This time it was for my Grandma Reba. She loves pinks and greens so that’s what I picked out for her without it looking too Christmasy. Anyway, when Mom flew back to Colorado on Sunday she made a special trip to Grandma Reba’s yesterday to give her the afghan. Oh by was she happy! She’s always cold, so she can use that to finally warm up.

Well, things might actually be looking up. Turns out I have a nice healthy heart with no problems. Couldn’t ask for a better report. I tried to get a picture of the ulta-sound but the lady didn’t have a printer. Bummber. I’m trying to get as many pictures of my insides as possible. So far I have my bronchial scope and the MRI of my lower back (it sort of looks like a staircase) .. that’s what I get for not taking care of it sooner.

I’m 80 pounds lighter since the first of the year. No, I’m not dieting, I didn’t have any radical surgeries (at least ones I wasn’t completely conscious for), I do for the most part eat really healthy but I’ll have the occasional junk food every once in a while. I’m losing it from being sick and losing my appetite. It’s amazing how much faster you move minus 80 pounds tugging along with you. I hope it keeps up actually. Everyone wants to lose weight without doing anything, but … I know they don’t want to suffer through the sickness the whole time.

I am, get this …. I am getting better. I’m taking half the pain meds I used to take. I haven’t taken Oxycodone for 2 weeks and I eliminated my morphine capsule at night. I’m scared because for long periods of time on narcotic pain meds, the pain subconsciously feels worse than what it is. That scares me. Not sure I can handle much more, but it has gone down a bit. i don’t walk through days with an 8 on the pain scale. Right now it’s about a 5.5. That’s progress! I’m also feeling good that every single thing I get out of my closet falls off me. It’s been a long time since that happened. I have to wear a belt with every pair of jeans I have. I can move better, my shortness of breath has nearly gone away.

Nothing with my disease(s)/syndromes are easy fixes. All of them are permanent, but the difference is, I got me some good doctors finally who actually care how I feel. My Pulmonologist took it upon himself to get me into a drug trial for severe asthmatics to try this preventive drug which is most importantly, steroid free. It’s not like I have an appointment wit him … this was an after thought on his point to make sure I’m getting the best treatment available. Finally, I found the right people.

In other news, my Mother is flying down on Saturday to spend the week with us. Since I have Monday off I want to drive to Savannah Georgia. Since I’m getting better I think I’ll be able to handle the car ride fairly well, just as long as Mom and I don’t start one of our fights (like last time). They never last long, I just hate them to begin with. I’ve missed her so much, and I want her to see Spring in Kennesaw. Can’t wait!

As for work, I had a bad few days obviously if you read my twitter. Confidence is back and I’m right there in the middle of he game again getting done what needs to be done. Today I’ve had to give my team a tiny push as the deadline I set for them is coming up and I’m still seeing a lot of tickets in their queue still which is only 50% of the way I’m expecting them to go. We had a 45 second quick meeting reminding them of the impending clock that keeps ticking by not leaving them much time to reach their goal. I have faith, however.

My Mother-in-law sent this to me. I wouldn’t post it if it didn’t make total sense. Thank you again my Dear Mother-in-law. I love you!

“Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.”

–Lily Tomlin

More later ..

This one was the worst yet. Better luck next year kid.

I’ve been sleeping for the majority of the time now that I’m not taking my thyroid meds. I think my energy has depleted at least 75% because of it. Something I’m going to point out to Dr. S when I see him next week.

My pulmonary doctor did my allergy test. There were about 80 different things they were testing for. If it wasn’t so ironic and I didn’t already sort of know it anyway, the one and only thing I’m allergic to is my cats, out of 80 different things. That’s good since I’m in allergy america.

I have tell a funny about my husband. They take me out to do a breathing test on one of their machines so as I’m heading back to room 8 where they placed us in the first place I thought I smelled something foul. It got stronger the closer I got to my room and when I walked into my room, BAM.

“Did you fart?
“About a min after you left, you can still smell it?
“You can smell it all the way out in the hall!!!!!!!”

So here I am with two magazines wafting the air, hoping the smell either goes away or just gives up and stops stinking.

I saw my doctor coming so I put away the magazines really fast and sat on the bed. He walks in, looks around and says,

“Um, lets use the room next door, I’ll get one of the nurses to do your allergy test”

My husband cleared a room. With his butt. I was so embarrassed at the time, but the minute I walked out I was laughing. I told him he couldn’t do that and to go to the bathroom next time. He’s the only one I know who can have scentless farts so you never know what your going to get. Not that day. That day, he literally cleared a room.

They did schedule an endoscopy on me for this Thursday to look at the blockage in my airway and take a possible biopsy. They will put me out for a small time and my boss told me if I need to take the day and work from home that would be fine. I told him we’ll see.

Yesterday the majority of us went home because the A/C wasn’t working and it got to be 90 degrees in the office. I was sweating like a whore in church. I hope they have it fixed today.

Not sure why I’m up early but it feels good and I slept in the recliner last night so I don’t have any sort of backache. I give my MRI scans to my pain doc next week. I want to try and scan them all first tho, even if they are a little big. What’s a good stitching program?

So we have an IRC channel here in the office that connects our support staff with the IT staff we have at different sites around the world. I got some warm fuzzies from it today

Bad news at the doctor’s office isn’t pleasing. I can’t return to work for another week, and the week after I’m work from home only, unless I want to be hauling around oxygen tanks. They want me on oxygen 24/7 now (instead of just nights or when I need it) and I see one of the big doctors in 2 weeks. Ugh. I don’t even feel like talking about it. I thought this was done and over with. I’m just, upset, angry and everything in between.

Tonight I have a splitting headache. I’ve taken everything under the sun but it doesn’t want to seem to leave. It’s probably because I’ve bottled up everything and I haven’t been writing and vomiting my thoughts each and everyday especially with Mom being here. She’s leaving tomorrow and I think things will start going back to normal. She’s been a big help and altho we’ve had our ups and downs I’m glad she was here.

That’s the mode I’m in. I’ve been asleep more than I have been awake in the past 24 hours and I’m ready for sleep again, already. My energy is extremely low because I haven’t been eating properly. I’m craving red velvet cake for some reason, but I managed to keep down some yogurt.

It’s been a very emotional day, especially between my Mother and I. She’s trying to help and as much as I know this it’s been hard.

I even had a talk with my Aunt Donna today on the phone and she said something to me that she’s never done in my life. She said I need to get over my anger. She told me to write down everything that was making me angry, put it in box and keep it there and “GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!!”. My Aunt Donna suffers from Fibromyalgia too which make the whole conversation surprising. So I did that. I wrote down everything that I was angry at, and I put it in a box and I put that box up on the shelf. It actually helped. Then came the tears, the “I’m sorry” and I accepted how rotten I’ve been over the last few days. All the grieving and mourning I haven’t done is on hold and put aside. I finally found my phones that were safely tucked away in my purse and I heard from my Uncle Joe and Aunt Martha. There is something about their words, and them calling that tears me to pieces because I love them so much and for so many years I thought they stopped caring.

Fact is, I’m not getting better. I’m still hacking up green phlegm but not as much as before. Its like it’s getting better and breaking up but it’s going deeper into my lungs. I’m going to bed here shortly so we’ll see how I am tomorrow. I still need to order my prescriptions and pick those up tomorrow but I’ve been asleep all day and I’m tired of Mark invading my dreams.

I’m extremely scared for my job. What if they don’t take me back? What if … what if …

I found something I wanted to share again because my guild master had asked for it. It will be under the read more part so this entry doesn’t take up a million pages.

(more…)

No. I didn’t get fired. I have been in the hospital for the last 4 days however with bronchitis, pneumonia and sever asthma problems due to each. I am on strict home oxygen for a straight month. I am not allowed to return to work until the 13th :: glares at doctors note :: and only THEN will it be decided if I get to return for the remainder of the month while on oxygen.

You know why all this is happening? Because some fuckhead felt like coming to work sick (I know of one of them specifically who had bronchitis and girl, you and me are going to have words because I heard at least 5 people tell you to go home because they didn’t want to get sick) because she didn’t want to lose her job. Not once did she think, oh wait, we have people in the office who are on remission from cancer, or people with auto-immune diseases like Fibromyalgia who are magnets to this shit. That’s not even the bad part. This shit put me in the hospital and she’s sure not paying my hospital bill. I’m fairly certain they will have to put someone in my place temporarily until I get back (as my boss promised if I had to ever take medical leave, which, I guess is a test now because my hands are tired. Completely) So because this bitch didn’t want to lose her job or whatever, I got what she had and I when I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital overhearing the EMT say “Ah shit, she’s dropped below 70, upgrade this to critical, stay with me now Jenny, come on Jenny, stay with me Jenny .. can you see me … grab my hand Jenny I was remembering her selfish little words. Pffttt, I don’t want to lose job. I was hoping not to die at that point.

So with my permanent lung damage (like I need more) I’m going to have to call up my boss tomorrow and explain to him that, yes I could do the job. I’d be in right this very fucking second doing it if they would make sure that sick people did NOT FUCKING COME TO WORK. Now I have hospitals bills, I’m strapped to oxygen to keep me alive seeing this promotion slip out of my fingers so fucking fast I didn’t even get to taste victory yet. I’m sooooooooo mad. I’m soooooooooooo pisssed. I had zero choice in this. ZERO.

After the 13th, if they let me work from home I could do that but it’s hard to manage a team that you don’t even see every day. One other person’s wrong choice cost me this. I’m not about revenge, I’m not about payback, all that is bullshit. I am about bringing into prospective what people might have missed tho.

Anyway, my doctors card and me. The good news is I lost 3 pounds past my 50 lbs for the first of the year. So, thats 53 pounds in 59 days. There it is, this is almost a death sentence to me. Going to work actually MAKES me feel better so it’s going to be a long 10 days of getting cabin feather. I do have 5 portable tanks with me but just one of those portal tanks only lasts 4 hours. As for the poor me, I’m getting daily nose bleeds from a dry noise.

The only good thing about the whole experience was I got to walk talk and mingle with this harp player who comes and just plays healing music to everyone who wanted to listen. My roommates thought Jerry Springer was more interesting.

Ten years ago today my Daddy died. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, sometimes it feels like it never happened. Most days I’m mad at him for leaving, but today I’m going to love him for staying as long as he did.

He made two strong beautiful women out of my Mother and myself, I can’t deny that.

Last night I tossed and turned, getting maybe 1 or 2 hours of sleep. I didn’t even think to look at the date, but the mind and the body remember.

I think my Daddy would be proud of me if he were still here. I think he would be more than proud. He was the worst singer in the world, couldn’t carry a tune to save his life (no pun intended) but that never stopped him from singing to me “Texas Tornado” or “Great balls of fire” or one of the beach boy songs. I’d always sing along with him, our off tune non-record label Father and daughter band.

I love you Daddy. I miss you.

This day comes to be bittersweet. Today 10 years ago was the last time I saw my Father alive. I will never forget our day, and our fights we had that day. We parted so upset with each other that we were on a non-speaking basis. Then I get a call from my Aunt Donna who brings my Mother over to my house to tell me the bad news. He’s had a massive heart attack and he died. A small part of my being always held that shame that it was my fault he’s gone, that I was the one that broke the camels back. It never occurred to me his father died when he was 20 from heart disease, and his father before him. Through the years after that that shame and guilt took over me and put me in very bad situations for nearly a decade. It wasn’t a few years after his death my pain of losing my Father became pure knock down hatred and anger. It’s been that way for years. I hated him, because I started blaming him for all the difficulties in my life. For all my destruction, trying to replace him with men who would just use me and beat me, suck me dry and leave me (except of that was Jason, and I wouldd tell him my fears that by the time we got married my Father would be gone, I was right). I blamed him for ever tear since he died. I hated him for the life that he wasn’t there to save me from, consciously knowing he couldn’t save me. He was DEAD, gone, and not coming back. My whole life the only one that ever took care of me was myself. My Mother and I didn’t have the Mother/Daughter bond that some kids who are adopted never have. It wasn’t that case with my Father.

He was a hard working man. The most hard working man I’ve ever seen my whole life. No man could ever fill his shoes. When my Mother started dated her “special friend”, I despised him. He wasn’t anything like my Father. Who was this man that put a twinkle in my Mother’s eye, who treated her in a way Dad never did. I went into denial about this man who spent MY time with the Mother. Time she should have been spending with me, but I never could let that twinkle in her eye go. This was one she’s never had before. She was never funny, and make me laugh all the time. Of course I thought it was because of ME but the place I was in was nothing even close to being a twinkle in any Mother’s eye. It was something that a Mother would hide and sweep under the rug. It seemed like everyone had forgotten about me. Mom was healing, everyone else close to Dad was healing except me.

This year, I think I’m finally healing. Not only healing from a painful path, or the horrible things I went to, but healing. I’m more or less angry about them all right now. Isn’t that the second step that comes after denial? I think so. I’m getting there. And It’s been all by myself. All my myself was the first sentence I said when I was a baby. So far it’s been true, up until now, when I’ve had to lean on my husband more than ever. That was another teaching and learning experience that I fought for years. Now I know it’s ok to learn on your spouse. I know he leans on me quite a bit. It’s ok for us to lean on each other equally.

So now I’ve come ten fold. I’m finally “growing up” as they might say. I don’t have only me to be When Brendan woke up this morning I was surprised by my Valentine’s day Presents. This is the second holiday holiday we’ve managed to get each other something.

That necklace is a deep blue heart. It’s beautiful. The other night he told me he loves holidays now. He never had traditional holidays and I’m born from and my roots are full of deep traditions that I use to dispise until I got married. Then I started thinking, what do I want my kids to have? I want them to have what I did. I want them surrounded by family. On holidays I want to be surrounded by family. Not family that just put up with you because you were present, but true loving family (in my world, my friends are family too, no doubt.) Family is who loves you. That’s what I want to be around. I wished we could have gone to Fort Knox this weekend if Brendan didn’t have to work, and if we would have planned it a little better. Anyway, I got Brendan a really nice watch this Valentine’s Day. It’s one of those that never needs the battery changed and I don’t want to give it all away if he reads this from work (guess I sort of did already). More to come later.

Plus, I feel asleep writing this post or about 6 hours. My new desk is just too comfortable. I love it to death.

I felt better today than I have for a week and a half. I’m in the middle of changing and switching some of my medication around which has resulted in horrible side effects making me feel completely horrible. Hopefully I’m on the up-swing at this point. The next hurdle is meeting my new doctors on the 23rd of this month in which my Mother is flying over for. Now that I know I have Fibromyalgia along with Rheumatoid Arthritis I will be seeing a husband and wife team of Rheumatologists that have experience in both diseases.

I’m really disappointed in my doctor at the Fibro & Fatigue Center. I found out that he read some of my labs wrong (have I mentioned this yet? I don’t remember) and so I’m off most of the medication he had me on. Well, I’m off at least 7/8ths of the medication I was before and I’m already noticing a change and I’m already noticing that I am feeling better. Plus, the nurses at the Fibro & Fatigue center here in Atlanta have been dropping the ball left and right. My doctor wanted to see every 3-4 weeks and he’s booked solid for the next 3 weeks which means I won’t see him for at least 2.5 months which means, I’m going to be running out of medication .. and FAST. Hopefully my new doctors will work out and I can make an easy transition. Oh, and get this. Dr. C at the Fibro & Fatigue Center treats all his patients with the same plan of action so no wonder I wasn’t getting better. I’m just really disappointed in the center when at first it gave me so much hope. Maybe I was grabbing at the last rope I thought was out there, I don’t know. I just have to find what works and I know it’s going to be a frustrating battle and my patience will tested big time, well, sort of like now.

So with everything going on, having some severe medication changes, getting sick, being way over-emotional, fighting with the hubby its affected my performance at work and I only hope that they will find some sort of empathy and be patient with me too. The only thing that hasn’t gone away is the pain, so I’m still dealing with that. It’s hard for people to understand because I look well but everything under my skin, including my digestion issues and IBS is a complete mess. I just need all this to come together, and the sooner the better. Not only for me, work, but for family friends and everyone else that is involved. I’m trying my hardest to hang in there, I really am.

Went to see “Hotel for Dogs” tonight. It was one of those cheesy Disney stories, but it was pretty good. Nice and light and funny. I knew the ending as soon as it began but .. I thought it was pretty good. Good, no, maybe just cute. It was cute.

I gotta go to bed now, I’m tired.

I hadn’t installed MacPorts since I reinstalled OS X and it feels good that its finally back So much easier to install programs. Plus, I’m a geek. What “normal” user would actually go through the mess and even the understanding of MacPorts. Heh.

So I’m going to try and condense down the Colorado trip the best I can. I’ve noticed that when I”m really emotional about something the best time to deal and/or write about it in a political way is after the fact once I got all my bearing straight and the emotions don’t out talk my logic.

The first night I got in Uncle Don and Aunt Donna meet Mom and I at at the Armadillo in Lasalle. I couldn’t believe how much some parts of the towns had changed, and how other parts of the towns hadn’t changed at all. Like for instance, Platteville. Still the same. The old house I grew up in still looks the same. Grandma Berry’s house still looked the same inside and out. See, Grandma Berry can’t see much more than light or dark but when I got up close to her she grabbed the bangs of my hair and started whispering “jenny jenny jenny jenny jenny” and when I finally spoke and said “Yes, Grandma, it’s Jenny” she started crying. She can’t forget me. I might not have been home for 4-5 years but you can’t forget living right next door to your grand daughter watching her grow up all her life. Seemed like my Mother and I showing up was center of attention and we all know how much I hate that.

I got to see some women, whom I used to give piano lessons to and babysit sit. Now they are grown and have more children than I have pets.

Of course going out to the farm made me miss Uncle Joe and Aunt Martha so much I made Mom promise she would set up a meeting with them too before I left to go home. took pictures of Morning Fresh Farms and then jumped down to Mespaigh cemetery to see the ranch and to see my dad. He was doing ok. I talked to him a bit. I think Mom did too. Sort of weird talking to stone, but whatever. Seems like that was a completely different life back then when he was alive. I think we were all different people back then. I’m sure I would have had a whole different life. Would I change it? I don’t know where’d.

After all the crying and seeing all the family I met all my friends up at the Armadillo in Fort Collins. It was strange. It was so surreal I almost felt drunk without drinking.

It sure was a great night. I never realized now much I missed my friends until that very moment. I had never felt so home sick, for everything back. For my old job back, for my old house back. Not my old life tho. No way. No how. I told them next time we come I’ll being the hubby so they can all meet them. I only want to talk about the good parts of the trip so I am going to not talk about doctors and appointments and news and all that other stuff I went to to. I sure didn’t have problems falling asleep at all.

I keep meaning to write about my trip to Colorado but every time I start I get overwhelmed with the amount of events that happened in such a short time. It was like an emotional mountain I climbed each and every day seeing my most precious friends, and seeing family I haven’t even spoken with for over 15 years.

Anyway, the Colorado trip will have to be broken down into several entries at best to fit it all in..

Oh that note, I’m tired and sleepy and ready for bed.

I’m meeting with all my friends in Colorado. I’m getting calls and people are contacting me saying they want to get together. I’ve been feeling so lonely lately s this makes me so uber happy and loved. I have about 11 people meeting me at the Armadillo in Fort Collins, Colorado at 6pm so if anyone else wants to join the party, that’s where we’ll be.

I just got off the phone with SarahJean and oh it was so good to hear her voice. Thank goodness to the internet. I’ve missed everyone so much but I didn’t realize just how MUCH I’ve missed everyone until I’ve had a chance to talk to all these people just like we picked up where we left off in a way. This is the pick me up I’ve been needing and wanting. There’s a reason for everything, definitely.

In other news, there was a gas leak at work yesterday so we were all sent home to work from home. I got all cuddled in bed taking calls and working from my laptop. I got more done yesterday than I have all week. Today they had the heat up past 80 due to the doors being open all night to air out the building and it got stuck at 80 until 3/4 of the day was over and we’re all sitting there in our own sweat. Finally they fixed the temp and the rest of the day was comfortable.

With all these people I’m talking to, they are all asking about my husband and if he is coming. I wish more than anything he could, but he will eventually. It was such short notice and he couldn’t get the time off. I am telling them how wonderful he is and how lucky I am to have him. He’s my first lucky break.

Ohhhhh excitement feels good.

Other than sleeping all day, I did manage to clean up the kitchen and put all my meds that require needles in baggies so they are right there when I need them instead of going to 3 different places around the house looking for what I need. I still have the other half the kitchen to clean which is going to be project in itself.

Mom called me tonight to let me know she got an invite that my Grandma B will be having an open house 90th birthday party. She’s been really really sick lately and they don’t expect her to live much longer, so this is really going to be the last time I’ll probably ever see her.

It will also be the first time of me returning to Colorado since I left so I’m excited about that. I’ll be gone from the 18th to the 20th. For all my Colorado friends, call me, IM me, email me and we’ll all hook up. I miss ya all. The first place we’re stopping once I get in Colorado on the way home is the Armadillo, the BEST mexican food restaurant EVER!!!!!! I’m so excited about that. My mouth just started salivating.

I have yet to find a good mexican food restaurant here in Georgia and I have tried lots and lots and lots. I just can’t wait to have me some good, authentic Mexican food. I’m hoping to see my Aunt Donna and Uncle Don while I’m there, along with my Aunt Martha and Uncle Joe. I hope! I wish!

And, for being awake for such a short amount of time, I’m ready for bed again. I hope something starts helping me soon, oy!

My narcolepsy is getting worse. At work if I’m in the middle of working on a document I just wake up with my finger hitting on some key filling up the page. Often times I have to us only one eye to take away the double vision. The new med they want to try on me can’t be given through the pharmacist or the hospitals, it can only be gotten from the manufacturer itself. (www.xyremcom)

I finally called the FFC center to see what was going on with that. I found out that they hadn’t even faxed over the paper over. This is the second time in as many months they have failed to fax in my meds. It’s rather surprising, because this place has a good reputation. When I told Dr. C about what happened last month he was just so visibility upset about it I thought he was going to spring a leak. I wonder what he’s going say this time and how upset he might be. The strange thing is that the staff at the FFC has been excellent so far, much better than I’ve ever experienced…so where are these problems coming from?

It’s not like I want to get anyone fired. The nurses I do have are great and kind with excellent bedside manner.

But this is my life we’re talking about. I’m falling asleep playing Rock Band with my husband, I’m falling asleep at work. Which is not good when my boss or the bigger bosses walk by. My confusion level during these times make me feel like a doorknob. I randomly fall asleep when I’m concentrating on something pretty hard.

I will call tomorrow anyway to see if that paperwork has been faxed and I’m going to request that my doctor call me when he has a minute.

As for the other Fibromyalgia symptoms, I have to have another sleep study done due to my slight sleep apnea so I get to wear one of those scary masks at night. Oh boy, eh? I wonder if the face thing will amplify my snoring. I feel bad for my hubby. He went to pick up my meds that were due for a refill. I couldn’t do any of this without him.

I’m just so frustrated. I’m using the cane all the time now and I’ve been enquiring about getting a power chair (I first called the Scooter Store place that you see those commercials for but my new insurance doesn’t cover it. What’s next in the whole meds scene? More to add to the arsenal or less to make me less sane.

And where do I go for all these questions? All the support groups I have found are so pessimistic, where are the people with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue living happy normal lives? Where are their voices? I’ve heard they exist, but where?

If I hear one more person tell me it’s going to be ok. I’m going to eat them for dinner.

I gave all my employee’s a day off tomorrow to sober up. I’m the only one out of the bunch that can’t drink due to medication so I thought, hey? Why don’t I take the day tomorrow and let them off the hook since they have done such a great job over the holiday break. I know, such a nice boss, you should work for me. How are your computer skillz? If they are up to par I’m interested in expanding my team. Just email me at yolospat @ gmail dot com.

Anyway, in an effort to replace what was once taken from me and sold for a vice without my permission, today was one of those days. My husband got me a new acoustic guitar.She’s a Dean and she’s HAWT!!!

Not only is she beautiful, but she sounds so much better than my old alverez. Now I need to start Guitar Lessons somewhere. I’ve always wanted to play and I’m so excited to start.

Due to my doctors appointment yesterday some things are worse. My blood is 3 times thicker as before which is causing me more pain. I’ve been put on Heparin twice a day and due to the contract I signed I have to wear a medical necklace stating anti-coagalant.

At least it’s out of the way but I’m sure getting sick of all the pills and shots. I have so much more but I have to go to bed, because I promised my husband that I would go to bed at the same time every night and it’s already past my time. Anyway, more tomorrow.

It’s technically 4:41 am here right now, but I don’t call the next day the day next until after I had already gone to sleep and wake up. So, in my mind it’s still Christmas and it will remain so until go to bed. My eyes are have way closed as it is so I’ll make this short and sweet.

This was one of the best of all the holidays I’ve spent with my husband. We have been poor poor for the first 3 years we’ve been together, pinching pennies as much as possible. With my promotion and raise and with him getting a job, a promotion, and a raise as well we were a little better off this time around so we actually had the chance to get something for each other for Christmas. I got him a PS3 with 2 guitars, a drum-set, guitar hero, fallout3, oblivion: elder scrolls and bioshock. He’s been playing it non-stop and it’s nice to actually play along with my husband the musician. That was a first for us, and it was great.

On Christmas eve while I was sitting in the living room catching up on my RSS feeds, he asked me if I wanted my present. If anyone knows me, I can’t wait for stuff like that to the point that I HAVE to take the wrapping and stuff off of “whatever” before I get home after going to the store. So my immediate answer was “yes!” and from behind his back he hands me this rectangle red box. Inside was the most beautiful necklace I’d ever seen. By that point I turned into this emotional crying girl saying thank you thank you with many hugs. Isn’t it just beautiful?? The flowers weren’t part of it, I just put that on there for artistic purposes. Heh.

My heart is warm and full of love. Thank you lovey, for everything.

I’ve been so sleepy today. Not the “I’m going to sleep good night sleepy” but the “if you leave me alone for 5 minutes i will be sawing logs in no less than 5 minutes. I hope the xyrem.com stuff works.

I’m already on Provigal and it doesn’t seem to be doing much for me at all lately. Just tonight I kept falling asleep writing out this blog entry and it’s taken me all day long. I hate it. My doc wants to put m on xyrem. We’ll see. Dr. C made a surprise call to me on Friday himself. Usually if he needs to tell patients something he asks the nurses to do the phone call.

He called me 15 minutes after he received my labs. Sigh.

Mostly my triglycerides are over 500 which is stroke level. Oh great, ya know? JUST what I was needing to hear, especially since that way was one of my good days with minimal pain. When I would ask questions he said he’d talk to me about the rest of my labs on my appointment which is on the 29th. I finally made him give in enough to tell me that my labs were 3-5 times worse than when I had them 3 months ago which means non of my meds are working. Hurray! I just have something in the back of my head that it wasn’t the only bad news he wanted to give me and that’s why he keep reassuring me that I would be there on the 29th. I’ve never missed a doctor appointment, or an IV treatment appointment, or any appointment when it comes to the Fibro & Fatigue Center

Freaked me out. I’m supposed to be on bed rest and in his words he said “don’t move unless you have no choice. Um, ya, I have ADD. I don’t know how to stop from moving especially since I’m not on my ADD pills anymore. What if he has something really bad to tell me. Then I over heard him telling my nurse (Brenda) to call in tranquilizers so help me stay calm, so it’s not like the nurses weren’t there and yup, MORE pain meds that aren’t mixed with tylenol or Ibuprofen

Then he told me any dizziness I had, whether it was sitting up or If I started to feel numb at all to call 911 and to have my husband call him.

I just can’t get it out of my head that there is some thing really wrong and he’s waiting to meet me in person when he tells me. He’s NEVER called me about my labs before, what makes this time so different and why is he calling personally, when I have an appointment in a week and a half until my next appointment. I don’t know. Now THAT has got me worried.

So, doctors orders. Don’t move. I can get a lot of WoW in .. that is if I don’t keep falling asleep everywhere I go.

Sigh. I wish this were all over Most of my friends at work don’t know about this blog, but if they will know my secret usually only reserved for those closet to me.

My eyes are closing. I think I’ll sleep right where I”m sitting.

Friends are great. Just got off the phone with my friend Chriss, catching up on stuff and stuff. Also had a nice long talk to one of my co-workers today who has cancer. Her treatment day is on Thursdays, and mine are on Wednesdays. Anyway, it’s nice to talk to someone with a chronic illness, not that I’m glad she has it, but glad we can relate to each other. She’s so sweet.

Brendan and I went out on a date last night to the used bookstore in Marietta called The Book Nook. It’s our FAVORITE used bookstore out of the 4 that we have been to so far. We’re trying to fill in the holes in our collection, working on Dean Koontz, John Saul, and Stephen King. The owner is always glad when we come because we’re always the biggest sale of the way with an extra 10% off

Tomorrow I’m having a sleep study done. I have to be at Wellstar Windy Hill Hospital at 8:30pm tomorrow night. The rooms are like motel rooms. I can wear my own PJ’s and bring my favorite blanket, aka woobie, since it’s more of of something to hold than to use as a blanket. They have wireless internet so I can surf the web and stuff, or watch TV. Bedtime is between 11:00pm – 11:30pm. They will hook me up to a bunch of wires before I go to sleep so they can monitor everything. They are even feeding me breakfast in the morning. Brendan is going to drive down with me to get me checked in and such. I love my husband I’m a little scared because I always feel weird sleeping away from home, but if they find anything wrong we’ll have a plan to fix it.

The thing I’m going to miss the most is having the 2 cats and my dog sleeping next to me. I tend to fall right to sleep when they are, but I can’t ever stay asleep. Sigh. We’ll see.

I have a new favorite channel. It’s the “Bio” channel which stands for “The Biology Channel” … I love learning about people and their lives. I just realized I’m going to miss House MD tomorrow. Oh well, it’s going to be on the DVR when I get home the following night.

I’m so pooped tonight. I feel today at work because my legs have been giving out. Talk about embarrassing. Leave it to me to trip over nothing.

That’s what I’ve been doing the last 48 hours. I’ve hardly been awake. I’ve been so stiff and sore and the fibro pain has been really bad. Trying to make the best of it.

My Mother is in a mood today. Tried a few times to make her snap out of it, but I failed miserably.

My hubby got a new promotion at work, along with a new raise!!! I’m so completely excited and proud of him. Lots have changed in the last 6 months (between him and I) and all those changes have been great and wonderful.

I think on our 5 year anniversary, I want to have the wedding we never had. Not to get married again, but to renew our vows. I want to have a wedding dress, and flowers. Our wedding 2 years ago cost $30 in the Georgia Hollywood court house.

I’m off to have a reading date with the hubby …

Today is a day for family & friends. Today I’m surrounded by family and I’ve either talked or texted those closest to me wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving receiving well wishes in return.

Since my big promotion and added responsibilities, I’ve been sucked into work the past week and a half, night and day. We had a 2am conference call a few nights ago that lasted till 5am, only to turn around and have another one at 7am, then again at 11am then working till 7pm almost every night. I’m sliding into my new position of management like riding a bike. Some things are never forgotten and I’m in my prime. With my new idea’s mixed with imagination and motivation my future vision is on it’s way to being a reality more quickly than I thought. This included hiring more hands to match the work load, being pro-active on events coming down the pipe. Due to a busy week I’ve neglected email and my focus has turned to my husband and to my Mother and Grandmother visiting from Colorado.

I’ve also learned I need to exercise my time management skills and tweak it a bit to allow a healthy balance between work and home.

Mom and I went on a 4 hour road trip yesterday driving through nearly every small town between Kennesaw and Blairsville in north Georgia taking pictures and seeing more of this state that I now live in. We picked up my Grandmother who’s been visiting cousins a week ago today when we drove her up the first time.

Now that I’m finally caught up with friends blogs and email I have the rest of the evening to myself. Because of my husband and I’s insomniac ridden late night bedtimes we’ve been taking refuge in the basement so Mom and Grandma aren’t woken up by late night smoke breaks and gaming.

The pain from the Fibro is also getting worse instead of getting better so I’m seeing Dr. C on Monday. It’s getting to the point that walking a dreaded task. Not good, not good. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel, I’m still hopeful. I’ve been issued a handicap tag by the Georgia department of Revenue to aid in the amount of walking I have to do each day. Several of my close friends have turned it into a positive experience due to my fear of being labeled like having front row tickets to do shopping for Black Friday. I will be doing my shopping online, but it was the thought that counted.

As soon as I get my pictures organized they will be uploaded soon, so be looking for a heavy picture post. Time to make more coffee and get a bowl of ice cream!

My husband and myself both had the day off today to celebrate our 2nd year anniversary. We both slept in but when I got up my feet, knees and hips were SCREAMING at me. I took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer and went back to bed until Jonah woke me up needing to go out.

Mom sent us a card with a $100 gift certificate for Walmart and a very nice card. After Brendan and I got up and around we went shopping for groceries and about 97% that wasn’t on the list. Heh. We came home to rest up because we’re going to Red Lobster for dinner.

I’ve learned so many things about marriage in the 2 years we’ve been married and the 3 years we’ve been together. We have already tested these vows:

1. For better or for worse
2. In sickness and in health

And we made it And that makes me happy and I look forward to many years to come.

This change in weather has been kicking my ass. This morning I was so sore and stiff. The pain lately has been a lot worse too, especially in my legs. My feet have been swelling up all weekend too so I’m trying to keep them propped up as much as possible. I have the just-got-run-over-by-a-mac-truck feeling today and lately.

I found a web site Friday night that streams the police scanner at Scan Cobb. When I was growing up my Father was a fireman and we always had a police scanner playing 24/7. I used to have a mobil scanner, but I don’t anymore so it was exciting that they actually stream this stuff. It makes me feel like my Grandma Reba who still has her scanner going all the time.

Tomorrow is my husband and I’s 2nd year anniversary. It’s amazing.

Stealing from Fyrfli because it couldn’t have been expressed more perfectly.

catharsis (k???ärsis)
noun

1 the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions.
2 rare Medicine purgation.
ORIGIN early 19th cent. (sense 2) : from Greek katharsis, from kathairein ‘cleanse,’ from katharos ‘pure.’ The notion of “release” through drama ( sense 1) derives from Aristotle’s Poetics.

Mom went home today. She’s flying on a plane right now. She texted me before she left letting me know the plane was leaving late. She’s so excited about her new (my old) iPhone. She’s texting me left and right, she’s taking pictures of things and sending them to me, she’s just so excited she can get her email all the time. She’s quite addicted to her email. I’m proud of her for learning all this fan-dangled technology (her words, isn’t she cute?)

On the way back from the airport Brendan and I went by Harry’s Whole Foods and got some yummy guacamole and blue corn chips that are really good. Oh ya, and cereal. OMG, this cereal is so good. I don’t remember the name but I’ll take a look at it later.

Now that I’m officially withdrawn from university I have more time for WoW. My priest is up 65 (Cumbersome) that I leveled mainly for the guild, since I already have a 70 priest on horde side. Found out today one of our officers who has a shadow priest and told me they didn’t want to do anything other than shadow (thus the reason for me making a holy priest) just respec’d holy in my absence (since my Mother was here). Ahhhh. Such a nice backstab. Feels fucking great. Lots of guilds need priests, so at least I have that in my favor. Moving on.

I’m getting daily use out of my kindle. I didn’t think I’d be using it as much as I have been. It’s become as close to me as my MacBook Pro. Speaking of mac, I’ve been working on some cocoa programming using xcode. I somehow feel completely free now that I’m not in school. It feels great, my doctor was right. That was too much stress for right now.