.:: Yolospat ::.

This has to be one of the greatest video’s I’ve seen for a long time. Great job Super_Josh!!!!!!!!!!

Lots of stuff has been happening recently, most of it being on the emotional spectrum. When it comes to loss and grief I’ve had more than my fair share in my 29 years of life. It’s the first emotion I can remember feeling when I was very young and I know my experience with losing someone, a loved one will only continue and the time between tears will steadily increase instead of decline. That’s just life, that’s apart of life. It’s the part of life that never gets easier .. but it’s not supposed to.

Over the past 10 years I’ve been hit left and right with grief. I’m the type of person that takes such emotions and stuffs them away much like a disobedient child shoving his clothes under the bed when he was supposed to have his room cleaned hours ago. When my Father passed very suddenly in 1999 the shock of it was quickly followed up with denial. I’m fairly certain I could resemble a walking zombie during that time, but I distinctly remember repeating to myself “this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, I can’t be the kid that losses her Daddy, this can’t be happening to me”. A quick look on Wikipedia I found this about the denial process:

“Feelings of unreality, depersonalization, withdrawal, and an anesthetizing of affect. The person feels unable to come to terms with what just occurred.”

Around the year anniversary of his death the anger and rebellion set in. The denial wasn’t over by any means, it was just being ignored as I acted out against life for being so unfair. I remained stuck in that stage for 3 years living in the vortex of chaos and unhealthy relationships. Wikipedia has information about the “Volatile Reactions” would should also be called the spiraling downhill out of control stage.

“Whenever one’s identity and social order face the possibility of destruction, there is a natural tendency to feel angry, frustrated, helpless and/or hurt. The volatile reactions of terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousy are often experienced as emotional manifestations of these feelings.”

When I look back at it now I see loss and grief not only in the time of death, but when there is loss of a friendship, a dream, the sense of safety, and of possessions. Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. The emotional effect is the same (though loss in the case of death, especially sudden and unexpected highens the intensity of the grieving process) and the same steps of the naturally occuring grieving process is triggered.

I will be the first to admit that I don’t handle loss and grief well at all. I’m still dealing with losses from 10 years ago, trying to bring that process full circle. It’s also made me a better person. I never got to tell my Father goodbye. We hadn’t spoken to each other in a week due to a silly fight. Since that time my Mother and I never end a phone conversation or an email without telling each other “I love you!”

The losses that I’ve had along the way that weren’t a result of death have been forefront in my mind. Maybe I’m making up for the rotten last words I ever spoke to my Father, but I’m determined not to leave a situation in hurt and anger. The only thing I can control is myself and that has been pushing me to patch up those losses while I can, even if it’s to properly say goodbye.

I wanted to make a video demonstrating this emotion because I always have a hard time putting these emotions into words. Rather, I can visualize the emotion in my mind. This video is symbolic to the trials of Loss and Grief. It’s called “Love and Loss” ..

I like playing with software and I’m always trying to understand complicated software like Final Cut Studio …

Anyway, to my 4 year old beagle, Jonah.

So, I broke down and bought another power adapter for my Macbook Pro aka Lexi. See, Lexi goes everywhere with me. I don’t go many places. I don’t have much of a life other then work and school. When I’m not at work, you can find me in my front room office working away on homework consisting of some Java program while pulling out my hair but eventually the light bulb goes off. This meant I was unplugging my power adapter to lug it to work where I would plug it right back in. After a few months of doing this I’ve noticed a lot of wear on my power adapter. It’s just so much easier to unplug while leaving the power adapter plugged in and simply plugging into a new power adapter at work. It’s going to save my wear and tear too, and I’ll stop hitting my head on the bottom of my desk when I’m either plugging or unplugging from the power strip.

I’m trying to make my life easier, I really am.

Speaking of Mac products, I got a mighty mouse for my MBP and after a few weeks it would stop scrolling down. I was within my 30 days of purchase so I simply took it back to Bestbuy and got a new one. Then this new one did the same thing. I should have googled it the first time, but it’s a simple fix. The little roller-ball gets dirty see, so to make it clean I did this:

1. Turned mouse off so it didn’t cause havoc all over my screen.
2. Got a new blank piece of printer paper and laid it flat on my desk.
3. Turned the mighty mouse upside down and went up and down the sheet of paper with the roller ball.
4. I’m horrible at explanation, here watch this video.

Thanks little man. I just might subscribe to you.

Her name is Penny and she’s been the only thing going on in my little world as of late. I know I’ve posted pictures, but I haven’t posted a link to all her pictures including a video.

An instructional video about how to replace your iPhone battery without paying the $100 to send it into Apple. Video is by Nate, creator of the iBrickr which I’ve talked about before.

Be careful if you plane to replace your iPhone battery yourself, because you just might bend or damage your case! I remember the first iPod I took apart. It was a 3rd generation iPod and I had to replace the battery in it, and ended up bending the case. It was one I got off eBay and the serial number was scratched out, so I’m sure it was stolen.

Anyway, case is sensitive, be careful!

I don’t know what it is about this video, but I have to watch it several times a week. It just gets my happy juices flowing and it makes me smile.

Cam sent me a video yesterday that I have watched again and again throughout the day. It gave me goose bumps every time I saw it. Even my rock star husband was amazed.